#her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself
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yashley · 1 year ago
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"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."
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novels-lover · 3 years ago
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Review of this son of York.
This is one of the most recent fictional novels about the life of Richard III from his childhood to his death, how is it different from other books? Well, it includes the scoliosis of Richard III as something crucial in his life that defines his character, despite the fact that the author seems to have a positive opinion of RIII in other books that she has written releated to him in this novel RIII is not innocent of all the crimes of those that history has accused him over the centuries, rather the book seeks to present us a balanced portrait of RIII, so he is not a misunderstood hero as in other recent books, the truth is that the book does not have success portraying his childhood that ended up being an illogical and simple portrait, his adolescence is affected by scoliosis and the problems of the country at this point the book does present an interesting, dark, insecure, ambitious character but not a bad person, here i would say that the book improves and becomes a quick read although it sacrifices the descriptive details in the process which does not allow you to get involved in the plot or in the scenarios, even so it becomes a good reading it develops the facts in an entertaining way, the ending is very well achieved with a dramatic and nostalgic touch, it is not a bad book but to be recent it leaves out many facts that are known from history of RIII, it is not the best book about RIII not the worst has good moments so I give it 3 stars no five because throughout the book many events become absurd.
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SPOILERS
Anne Easter the author of this book has been writing novels about the family and even Richard's mistress who according to her book (A rose for the crown) gave him 3 children, and in this book she finally decided to take RIII as her character main bringing back to Kate the mistress presented in a rose for the crown, the books are not exactly a saga so it is not necessary to read the others to understand this one or any other.
Richard is a child who grows up in hard times, he faces the death of his father and political betrayals, which makes him a strong child who learns about justice and life (the lessons are credible but they are presented to him and absorbed in a rather ridiculous way), he is sent to the house of his cousin Richard Neville Kingmaker with whom he creates a bond, there he meets other childrens who will be his friends but unlike other books in this case Rob Percy is initially the closest to Richard not Francis Lovell, during these years of training Richard experiences a physical attraction a bit sexualized by Isabel Neville the eldest daughter of his mentor the kingmaker , Richard is almost a teenager like Isabel so this adoration is understandable but unfortunately she he ignores Richard because she likes Geroge of clarence Richard's hated brother with whom he can never get along because of the bulling and the incompatibility of personalities Geroge is an idiot ambitious and Richard is loyal and hardworking (the book does not do a great job showing these positive things in Richard at least not convincingly) Richard soon gets over his "adoration" for Isabel, oh by the way around fluttering like a butterfly is Anne Neville ,Isabel's younger sister who is almost obsessed with Richard whom she sees as a hero Why? No idea , he does nothing but treat her with contempt and manipulate her during those years but Anne seems to be determined to be a victim of life from the beginning. Richard soon begins to be independent and gets a mistress named Kate with whom he has a relationship of pure love and passion (quite romanticized and totally tragic: a royal duke and she a poor nobody) they have three children but Kate will hide the last one from him, Why? For Richard not to have this son on his conscience and go to his political marriage guilt-free (despite the fact that he was conceived before he got married which makes this part absurd and stupid, I mean two bastard children have to be accepeted by his future wife but THREE ?? (would be impossible according to kate's logic), the good thing is that we do not read so much of this cloying and silly romance, although it is clear to us that Kate is and will always be Richard's true love.
Richard suffers bitterly, the scoliosis feels that God punishes him and becomes pious (although he sleeps with Kate who is married and not to him obviosly ) the scoliosis bothers him a lot and is worse when he ends up in Exile in Burgundy for the second time in his life because his brother loses the throne, and more painful for Richard is knowing that his mentor Kingmaker is on the other side fighting for the Lancaster house and has also given his youngest daughter Anne Neville in marriage to Prince Edward of Lancaster that affects Richard and he is like: Nooo Anne! They say that Edward is a monster for sure it will be bad on her and now that I think about it, I would like her for a wife because of her pedigree (So Richard was an idiot with Anne but he is a Duke of York so it's okay, not that this Edward is a Lancaster so he does not have permission to be an idiot with Anne ok ....) Richard triumphs as a commander of his brothe York won and he becomes a hero, everything seems to be going well he has a good relationship with his brother the King and even with his sister-in-law queen Elizabeth, but the ugly part is that his duty is to assassinate the deposed King Henry VI whom he kills with his own hands (It sounds like something stolen from Shakespeare's play, it is also done in an absurd way, it is something like "take off clumsy mercenary I will do it ") from that moment Richard is convinced that God punishes him for this murder and the scoliosis worsens which leads him to develop mood swings and outbursts of anger, he goes to rule the north and decides to marry Anne Neville who lost her husband during the last battle of course that she is still stupidly in love with Richard, he leaves his mistress and promises to focus on his wife Anne who is a strong and sweet girl loving him nonetheless his bastards or his scolicis, she bears his mood swings, the love he always keeps in his heart for kate over the years, and waits in the sanctuary for months because Richard is a bit clumsy negotiating for their marriage with his brothers, thir life together is not so bad in general and he is faithful (in body because in mind he couldn't stop thinking about Kate even after Anne's death he falls into her arms again) he treats Anne with respect but he is not the husband of the year, for him Anne is a consolation but she will never be Kate who he sees through the years and he even uses his children as a remembrance of that love, all this while Anne goes around rubbing his sore back, being a good stepmother, a good wife, an excellent consort, and loving him madly, which I never understood, except to make love to her with charm, he does not do much to make her happy. (seriously Anne why did you love him all your life?).
Richard manages the north with efficiency and sees happy how is killed George Clarence his brother, not only he does not care about him but it seems good to him that they kill him as always they hated each other is understandable or should be but is not ( Richard felt gulty and sad for killing Henry VI, he became pious and God fearing but then he goes to support his own brother's murder for not reason apart from their childish fights every three or more years that they meet each other but it seems that was good for the plot so Richard kills someone else )
He becomes King at the death of his brother Edward with the typical version, Edward's non-legal marriage, Buckigham manipulates everything (Richard becomes alcoholic as events progress and does not use his logic much to unravel all the conspiracies), I was surprised that he will not kill the princes (Shakespeare must be disappointed), his niece elizabeth falls in love with him, Why? No idea at this point Richard is not only angry all the time but also a little out of control with the situation but she loves him, and gets angry when he rejects her "I hate you man I will marry Henry Tudor" (as if she had a vote in the bussines) The ending explains well the betrayal and the mental state of Richard I think that the most redeemable in general is this Richard that is dark quite complex but does not convince me especially considering that he was a man who even today generates hate or love, they had reasons to hate him but I saw few to love him, I think only Kate and Edward could consider him a good person in this book because he trated them well almost always, I recognize that the character is well done the author does a good job with him but I am not convinced nor do I like him I think he is terribly poorly balanced and the book for me is full of silly or a little absurd things that ruined the story, in general I am disappointed to know that now with so much information avaliable Anne easter still went for myths instead of go for facts or use her logic .
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littlesparklight · 4 years ago
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Water Lilies and Narcissi
There’s multiple counts of character death in here, both by murder and suicide, but none of it graphic.
***
Once there was a pair of twins born to the river god Kephisos and the nymph Liriope, pretty as the buds on flowers. As they grew, they bloomed, and more beautiful yet became. The girl, wielding bow and arrow as cleverly as she could weave or pluck flowers, blossomed under the attention her flowering beauty drew. She was charming and sweet, and sweetly charming to her suitors, and Nymphaia's father made sure that those who approached her in potential hope of more would treat her right. So her sweet disposition and her sweetness grew more fair, but not a single one of her suitors could distract her should her brother want to hunt, for she went with him always.
A potential worry to any parents, perhaps, except that their love was innocent; Nymphaia doting on her brother, and Narkissos would only see her smile, whether it was in the success of a hunt or for a gift from one of her hopeful suitors. He did not understand what charm she found in the play, or the promise of a future marriage. He did not understand why beauty should draw attention at all, and was uncomprehending not just in the face of his sister's suitors, but his own. For Narkissos felt not the sting of either love or lust, no matter the hopeful girl or boy or man, and in his lack of understanding he was thoughtlessly cruel in his rejections.
It might have mattered little, except for the string of broken hearts he left behind himself as he went to hunt, like a careless child attempting to mimick mother or sisters and eagerly yanking on flowers and herbs, breaking some, leaving others pulled out by the roots, yet more with drooping heads left to nod painfully in the wind.
Echo, spying the twins, tried to join them in their hunt to hopefully gain Narkissos' favour - unfortunately her lack of conversation left Nymphaia confused and, when a misunderstanding left her to attempt to embrace Narkissos, Echo was furiously spurned. Left behind was only a voice in the wind, but one of Nymphaia's suitors had spied the altercation, and already suspicious and laid to jealousy, he confronted Nymphaia alone, away from her father's riverbanks.
"You shameless, terrible girl, stringing us all along, when you only have eyes for your brother! It would behoove you to reject us - me - with some grace and honesty, but you can't, can you? Not when you need to hide such shameless lust."
The young man was furious, and uglier for both fury and jealousy, misaimed as it was.
"Love my--- Of course I love my brother! But not like that, what claim you? Have some shame! I already told you I wasn't interested, and Father has told you to go, so go!" Nymphaia cried, furious herself and humiliated besides. And, for the light in that former suitor's eyes, scared. He knew no reason any more and threw herself at her.
Her cry for father, for mother, for her dearest brother, was lost to the shaded pool they had been standing by as she was shoved underwater. The terror of the girl's struggle made the plane trees ringing the banks drop all their leaves.
The body sank to the bottom, and in her place lovely, death-white blooms grew from the leaves floating on top of the water.
The young man fled the scene, and said nothing of what he'd done, leaving Narkissos and his parents to search in vain for the lost daughter. But though he had no knowledge to accuse anyone in particular, Narkissos looked between all her suitors and accused them all with silent stares and harsher words, blaming their love, if not actions, for his sister's disappearance.
Narkissos' thoughtless cruelty in rejecting what he did neither understand nor feel from others became pointed. Became ugly and malicious as he blamed love - and truly so, however blindly! - for his sister's death. Unfortunately, though fewer and fewer approached him, one, unfortunately, so did. Even before Nymphaia's disappearance, Narkissos' tendency to be shallowly thoughtless would have hurt such a sweet-minded, gentle boy. Now, it was worse than that.
"Love?" Narkissos sneered, all flashing blue eyes and long, dark hair to frame that comely face as he stared at the hopeful suitor. "You might as well take your sword there at your side and kill yourself here and now, that would be quicker since that's where all love leads! And I want nothing to do with you, Ameinias. Take that love of yours and go."
The door was slammed shut, and not even Liriope's sad-eyed, frowning disappointment in her son would urge him to open it and be kinder in his rejection.
Perhaps if he had, if he'd not been hurting and nursing his annoyed confusion for all the attention aimed at him, matters might have ended differently. But poor, gentle Ameinias spent the day in tears, sunk into a blackness of mind from whence desperate action comes. Narkissos' cruel spurn echoed in his head again and again, until it had become a demand in the dark of the night, until Ameinias stole out from his comfortable bed and sturdy home, sword in hand, and walked the empty streets until he came to the right door.
"Nemesis! Furious, gentle goddess, who avenges those wrongly harmed, hear me!" Ameinias was sobbing as he drew his sword, hands shaking but his grip determined, eyes fever-bright and locked in a desperate stare at the door. "Narkissos, son of Kephisos, has no kindness in his heart, has no regard for others but himself. So let him love only that which he can't reach, when he's spurned all other love besides. Let him not go out of this unharmed, meanly injuring others with no thought!"
The sword cut true, despite the boy's upset, and Nemesis, her dark wings spread in guarding sympathy as the body fell down onto the threshold, fulfilled Ameinias' last, aching words.
In the morning, Liriope, going to fetch water, was the one who first found the body. Her scream roused Narkissos who, in wild-eyed, guilty upset, fled the house.
He had not, for all his cruel words, actually meant them. Amneinias dead there on their doorstep was a shock.
The young man ran through the streets of Thespiai, and out into the surrounding wilderness. Down paths he'd taken with his sister, laughing ease to her steps as they pursued a deer, paths he had been avoiding in his grief.
Now, they took him to a little lake in the forest, surrounded by denuded plane trees, their leaves thick on the lake's shores and the air shimmering with fear and grief. Narkissos, tired as he was, sunk down there to drink. Nemesis, having followed, made sure he paused too long as he bent over the water. Paused just long enough to catch sight of his reflection, which he had avoided in any surface that might show it to him since Nymphaia disappeared.
Arrested now, Narkissos stared, and ached for the accusing similarity he could see in his reflection. His sister was still here, and yet untouchable, and he missed her. She might have been able to stop him from being so cruel, and now two people were dead.
Three.
"Nymphaia, where did you go?" Narkissos cried, striking the water, but though it shattered the beloved image he couldn't made himself move. Instead he sat rooted, all the more desperate for the image to return whole and still to him, for he was aching with loss and the love of what was only a mockery of what had been. He was his sister, but his sister wasn't here, and she had died - he was sure one of her suitors was the reason, had she perhaps been suffering from heartache? Had someone killed her? It didn't matter. She was gone, and he was here, and he missed her.
And in missing her, he had caused a boy who had only been suffering from what Narkissos himself didn't understand in any way than as what he felt for his sister to kill himself. And though he had had no desire, still didn't, couldn't ever have seen himself to kiss her for that love, would he have killed himself for it?
It had been a guilty thought, but his parents' grief had stopped him. Now... Now his heart ached as much for guilt as longing.
"My words have caused death, our beauty has caused your death and I cannot live without you. Nymphaia, Nymphaia, I miss you, I miss your face, but seeing it in my own reflection only makes it hurt so much more. Mother and Father are glad to see me, both for myself and for the reminder that some part of you are still here, but you aren't and I hate myself as much as I love you!"
And he couldn't move.
He had feared it, had feared he wouldn't have been able to look away once he spied himself, but Nemesis had ensured he had looked and now kept poor Narkissos rooted. Not even clawing at his face made him able to move, and instead he was reduced to tearful regret of marring the face that was his sister's, too.
Finally, unable to stand the sight of himself but unable to look away, Narkissos tossed himself at his reflection, reaching for what couldn't be touched.
The lake swallowed up the youth, and Nemesis, in solemn understanding, let flowers bloom at the spot the Narkissos had sat, unable to look away from his reflection. In death, the twins would be together, his flowers on the bank of the lake, her flowers growing on the surface of it.
*** Myth check: I’ve combined different versions of the Narcissus story into one. The one that involves Narcissus having a sister is incestuous, but as I’ve always liked how Narcissus can easily be read as aro-ace in the other versions, here there’s no incest, only platonic sibling love in service of the tragedy and to flesh the relationships out. In the incestuous version the cause of his sister’s death (she has no name) is unknown, so I went with something that seemed to suit the situation and also pulled in the incest angle, if only as a wilful misunderstanding of Nymphaia and Narkissos’ relationship.
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A Fiery Wish
ASOIAF AU fic: A Fiery Wish
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Jeyne Poole runs into the Brotherwood Without Banners on her way to the Boltons. Taking a leap of faith, she begs them for help upon seeing who she had once considered to be the most handsome man she’d ever seen: Beric Dondarrion. She is helped, but there’s a price to kindness. However, it’s one she’s willing to pay. 
Beric Dondarrion x Jeyne Poole
For @asoiafrarepairs​ “A weekend in the Stormlands”
Just like all girls with big dreams, Jeyne Poole had been told to be careful what she wished for.
Yet, having been raised on the same steady diet of fairy tales and courtly lessons as Sansa Stark, even though Jeyne was only a steward’s daughter, she couldn’t help but dream about a romantic future with a dashing lord.
But now, standing in front of a ditchfire some distance removed from a gnarled old Weirwood tree, Jeyne belatedly understood the lesson they had tried to instil upon her.
‘Now comes Jeyne of House Poole, a woman grown and flowered, of noble blood and birth.’
There was no one to give her away. But it was preferable to being given away by one of the guards Lord Baelish had sent with her, their deaths were the best wedding gift she could have hoped for in this bleak new world.
Poor papa, she mourned, I had always expected you to give me away and have a first dance with me on my wedding day. She comforted herself with the knowledge that her mama and papa would not want to witness this moment anyway.
‘Who comes forth to claim this woman?’ the red priest in the faded red robes asked.
‘I do, Lord Beric of House Dondarrion.’ She could see him coming to stand next to her from her peripheral vision. In the dark he was even more of a ghost, his whole body swallowed by the faded and torn black cloak with stars. The stars gleamed ever so slightly in the light of the fire.
Once upon a time, nothing would have delighted her more than to marry him. She’d professed her fiery desire to Sansa.
But that had been in summer, it was autumn now.
 x.X.x
Life was like the songs, Jeyne thought.
For a lovely couple of months, she’d been nothing short of happy. True, she was sad to miss Robb’s lovely face and gorgeous curls gleaming a dark red in the sunlight. But then in King’s Landing she’d gotten proper replacement in the form of Beric Dondarrion. Taller and older than Robb, and with hair an even brighter shade of red. In the sunlight, it reminded her of a flaming fire, and her girlish passions were quickly shifted towards the Lord of Blackhaven.
Now there was a real man awakening all kinds of female feelings within her.
‘Oh Jeyne he is handsome for sure, but I heard he is betrothed to Lady Dayne since a couple of years. Is there no unattached squire you would consider, or someone who’s part of an entourage?’ Sansa had asked her with all hesitancy and gentleness becoming of sweet friend. Jeyne had known the true meaning of her words though.
Yes, Beric Dondarrion was betrothed to another, but Sansa meant that Jeyne had set her sights too high. She didn’t mind though, she was young and in an exciting capitol she’d never even dreamed of visiting, she was fine with just dreaming about him.
The pink bubble of childhood had shattered with the prick of a needle, or rather a sword, a sword to Lord Eddard’s neck and another one in her father’s belly.
Life was not like a song, in the songs, the heroes win.
She’d paid dearly for those summer months and her own naivety with the blood of her father and her own dignity as Lord Baelish sent her to a brothel once all northernmen had been slaughtered. She saw things she never had expected to see. And did things she never wanted to do. Her cheeks had been stained with tears as she did them, but she had done them, until she did them well enough that Lord Baelish decided her education was complete. Her education was complete, but she felt dirty.
She didn’t feel like one of the princesses in the songs anymore. They had been good and pure and sweet. She was ruined, wary and weary.
He assigned her two men to return her to Winterfell. Sometimes she played the part of their sister, sometimes one’s wife, and sometimes their child. She didn’t look forward to returning home, news travelled fast on the Kingsroad. She’d heard about Robb and Catelyn activities in the Riverlands, Arya’s disappearance in Kings Landing and the deaths of the youngest Starks. They’d been no more than small boys when she left, she’d cursed Theon when she first heard about it. Sansa had never trusted them since Catelyn had never trusted him, and she in turn had never trusted the youth either.
She’d spent days thinking of ways to kill him, she’d seen enough death to know a couple of ways. She couldn’t even bemoan the loss of her sweetness and innocence, she’d lost it all so rapidly, and instead had come hate, fear and resignation. What home would she return to? There was none, she reasoned. She doubted Lord Baelish was bringing her home for her own sake, she hadn’t a lot of experience or knowledge, but she knew this much. There was only one reason why she’d been taught the things she was in a brothel before being sent to Lord Bolton. Baelish had a plan for her, and it didn’t include growing older until the war was over and her kin found a match for her.
Jeyne liked to believe she was no fool, she didn’t deny reality, but on the other hand there was no use to dwell on it, so oftentimes while on the road, she retreated to the realm of dreams, the only place where her life wasn’t miserable. In those dreams she dreamt of being saved on her way to the North by Lord Beric Dondarrion. She’d heard of his attacks on foraging parties in the woods. While on the road, she’d also heard of his deaths. She’d heard he’d been impaled by the Mountain, smashed with a mace, hanged by Ser Lorch, stabbed in the face by the Mountain and killed by Vargo Hoat. Each couple of weeks brought a new story of his death. She reasoned that the stories of his deaths had to be false, otherwise how could someone else claim to have killed him? On the other hand, reports were known to conflict, perhaps there’d been a battle in the woods somewhere, and everyone wanted to take credit for killing the hero who’d so bravely ended so many foraging parties. It didn’t matter to her, in her daydreams she created happy endings for the both of them.
So, on her trip to an uncertain destiny, expecting nothing but misery, she’d been shocked when their group was halted halfway through the woods by a band of criminals. They had to be criminals, she reasoned, they looked poor and dirty. The second they stopped, weapons were drawn by all. Her party was hopelessly outnumbered.
This was her death, she reasoned, she couldn’t even be very surprised or emotional about it.
That had been until a man slowly walked onto the middle of the road, previously hidden in shadows.
She recognized him immediately, even though he looked nothing like she remembered, time had removed every blemish and imperfection he had ever had from her memory, making the present version of him look all the more jarring.
His hair had grown to his shoulders, and the clothes which had without a doubt once looked magnificent were now worn through and stained with blood and dirt. He still wore his black shield and breastplate, though both carried holes.
How could they have holes of that size when he was standing there? Nothing could have pierced them without injuring him. He must have grown a lot better at fighting, if he managed to be attacked in such ways and walk away alive.
He had never been a broad man by any means, but was now a scarecrow. He must have been hungry often, she thought as he came to a standstill.
‘Have no fear, good people, we shall not harm you, we only seek money for our cause. Surely, you have some to spare. I swear it will go to food for the poor smallfolk, and the orphans we are housing’, he announced good-naturedly.
There was no recognition in his eye. The other was covered by dirty cloth. She remembered a story of how the Mountain had pierced it.
So that had been true, she noted. Upon consideration, did not the hole in his breastplate resemble the damage a lance would have made? He had fought the Mountain, but he’d survived. Jeyne remembered how he’d been unhorsed twice at the Tourney. A man who was unhorsed that easily would be knocked out by the Mountain in a minute.
He must have learned a lot while on the road, she mused. Before he had been but a young untried youth, experience had aged him, but the time had brought him experience and skill if he could now hold himself against the Mountain.
He might not remember me, but surely if he still defends the smallfolk and helps orphans, he will help me as well, she reasoned.
That minute she decided placing her fate in his hands was preferable to continuing her way to Winterfell. Perhaps she risked dying, but there were no guarantees awaiting her at Winterfell either.
‘Lord Beric’, she brought out. ‘I am pleased to see you alive, my lord.’
Confusion clouded his face, and she could feel her guards tensing. She had chosen wrong, but she could not go back now. She had chosen her fate.
‘Who speaks?’ asked a low voice before a man joined Lord Beric. He was skinnier than she remembered, and now had a thick grey beard, but he too wore some clothes she remembered.
‘Ser Thoros’, she greeted.
‘I remember your face,’ he admitted, a shine coming into his eyes, ‘but I cannot recall where I met you’, the red priest answered honestly.
‘My name is Jeyne Poole, I was in Kings Landing together with Lord Stark and his daughters.’
‘And finally on your way home. Kings Landing has turned traitorous, no doubt you will be glad to go home. Although, your entourage looks rather small, were the Northerners not with more?’
The men accompanying her could not hide the absence of Northern banners, and the lack of people could not be explained either. She knew he had already concluded something was up.
‘Actually, Ser, this is all that’s left of us. It is only me, the others, including my father, were killed. Luckily Lord Baelish was so kind as to send me back home with some of his fine men. Since I am their prisoner I cannot decide about giving you money, but perhaps if you ask them, they would not mind giving you some.’
The situation turned quickly. She could feel the press of a blade against her throat. The men closest to the carriage froze.
‘Let us go, or we will kill her’, her guard threatened.
They wouldn’t, she knew, because if they did not deliver her to the Boltons, Lord Baelish would see to it that they were adequately punished.
From between the trees, an arrow rushed past, and she could feel the impact through the blade and arms around her, before the grip of the guard slackened. He dropped dead. The other didn’t even have time to draw his sword before he was pulled from the cart by a tall burly man with a yellow cloak. The sickening wet crunch of an axe followed mere seconds after.
‘Thank you, my Lord, you are too kind, you can have as much of the money as you want’, she quickly said.
‘We help those in need, and we do not take kindly to pawns being played by the ruthless schemers of King’s Landing. However, my lady, this now leaves you without protectors while the roads to the North are treasonous’, the once handsome lord said.
‘There’s nothing for me in the North. I only wish to be safe. I cannot expect you to help me, but I would be forever in your debt if someone could bring me to a house loyal to the Starks. I will manage from there onwards, and I will sent money to you if I can.’
‘We are flattered by your kindness, my lady. If you don’t mind, we could take you to the Crossroads Inn to discuss your options.’
Having little choice, Jeyne nodded, and after the arms and clothes of her guards were distributed amongst what she was now introduced to as the Brotherhood without Banners, she followed them hither and was surprised to see it was the Bellringer Inn where she’d stayed on her way to King’s Landing. Just like they’d told, the inn was the home to many orphans who were being looked after by the innkeeper and his family.
Jeyne and Willow Heddle had grown a lot since she last saw them, and were now quite protective of the children. Despite her future being uncertain, she felt at ease for the first time in months during the two hours she spent there talking to the girls and playing with the small children. But then Thoros and Beric had come to her with an unexpected offer.
‘Here is the thing, my lady, you could do us a great service. Though admittedly it is a lot we ask of you. But we see ourselves forced to ask’, Thoros had announced. What followed was the most incredible conversation of Jeyne’s life.
They explained what they had been doing ever since Lord Stark had sent them on that mission about a year ago. They told her how they had been so preoccupied with their task, they had not thought about the future until recently. It had been decided that if possible, Lord Dondarrion had to marry quickly, to no matter which fertile lady of noble birth would be willing, since he was the only male Dondarrion. He had been promised years ago, but he could not go home to marry, and his present lifestyle did not guarantee he would live long enough to father children and continue his line.
Jeyne understood where the conversation was going, and reasoned that by taking his cloak, she would get the protection of his name, and would have a home in Blackhaven.
He was no longer the young dashing knight she’d dreamt of. Time had not been kind to him, but his hair was still red, his eye still blue, his nose straight, his manner dignified and courtly, she could do so much worse.
But as soon as she agreed, strong spirits were called for, and she was instructed to take two glasses with them before the conversation continued. But no spirits could have prepared her for the story that followed, as the red priest explained how children were by no means a certainty, even though that was the whole intention of the marriage.
And that’s when the last devasting blow came: Lord Beric had been mortally wounded five times, but had been revived by a magical kiss of the red priest each time. They did not know how the magic worked, they only knew he kept on coming back, though each time he seemed to lose a bit more of himself.
No wonder he did not recognize me, Jeyne thought, if he cannot even remember his betrothed or his home. She would marry to the corpse of the man who had filled her dreams. She took the third offered drink, and the fourth, before she concluded that it mattered not. Although no one, not even he himself knew how much of a man he still was, he was still more of a man than most.
They were married in a small local sept, and wedding certificates were signed by Jeyne, Lord Beric, the local septon, Ser Thoros and Edric Dayne who served as witnesses. The certificates were decorated with a wax seal Lord Beric had stamped his signet ring onto. Copies were sent to Winterfell, King’s Landing and Blackhaven, and another copy was kept in the sept. All would know the wedding had Dinner place.
Supper was had in the inn, before the party went out into the woods, where they knew there to be a Weirwood tree to honour Jeyne’s gods. While honouring her religion, the couple would partake in the wedding ceremony of the God of Light, as he had saved Lord Beric many times, it was deemed as necessary, lest they anger him.
 x.X.x
‘Lord Beric,’ asked Thoros, ‘will you share your fire with Jeyne, and warm her when the night is dark and full of terrors?’
Jeyne looked to him for a second. In the dark, from the side she was standing on, he still looked normal. He had bathed, and his hair looked soft and glowing. The gauntness of his face was shielded by his beard. The expression in his eye was gentle.
‘I swear it’, he promised with a comforting smile aimed at Jeyne. ‘I swear by the red god’s flames, I shall warm her all her days.’
She bit her lip. She doubted the statement. If he carried on like he had before, he would die again soon. How many deaths would it take him to forget her? After how many deaths would there be nothing to bring back?
‘Lady Jeyne, do you swear to share your fire with Beric, and warm him when the night is dark and full of terrors?’
‘Until his blood is boiling’, she promised, her hands nervously clutching her old cloak. She wondered whether she would have to work hard on making his blood boil to prepare him for their union.
Thoros nodded.
‘Very well. Then come to me and be as one.’
Lord Beric took her hand.
‘Are you ready, my lady?’
He turned to her fully, the scarred side of his face now in plain view, all unevenness highlighted by the unflattering light of the flames. She tried to smile, and strengthened her hold on his hand.
There were fates worse than this.
Side by side they leapt over the ditch.
‘Two went into the flames, one emerges. What fire joins, none may put asunder.’
She took his cloak as the brotherhood cheered. She wondered if their cheers were honest, or if they merely encouraged the awkward newlyweds out of tradition.
They returned from the woods, and were given one of the cosiest and warmest rooms on the third level of the inn. A decanter filled with white wine awaited her as she prepared for bed. She downed a couple of glassed as she recalled her experiences in the brothel.  They would serve her well. Her hands searched through the clothes Lord Baelish had sent with her. She didn’t know whose whore he had intended her to play, but the translucent shifts he’d given her would serve the purpose no matter whose wife she had become.
 x.X.x
  The marcherlord looked awkward as he entered their room. A piece of fabric had been tied around his eye and the pinpricks the mace had left on his head were covered by his hair. She didn’t even see the scar anymore.
‘Welcome, my lord.’
His eyes travelled to her as she sat upon the bed, hands stroking the soft sheets. They weren’t as soft as the ones in King’s Landing, but they were softer than the other ones she’d had on the road.
‘I haven’t slept in a bed for a long while’, he admitted. It sounded sad. She wondered if he could even remember it.
‘Well, I am afraid to inform you that I shall not sleep on the floor to accommodate your habits’, she decided with a smile before standing up to take his hand. It felt warm enough, and this heartened her.
‘Come and try for yourself, my lord. I believe myself to be familiar enough with beds to confidently give this one my seal of approval. It is quite soft, and does not appear to be plagued with fleas.’
He smiled at that, and allowed her to drag him to the bed.
‘I shall trust your judgement, my lady.’
‘Do you… Wish to…’ She didn’t know how to continue, and was struck with fear again.
‘I do not recall whether I’ve done this before.’
‘Perhaps… We could talk first?’ she offered. ‘So we are strangers no more.’
He agreed, and took off his boots before they laid down on the bed together, she sharing stories about what happened after Lord Stark’s death, and he sharing stories about his present life. After some time, she decided it was time to try and push them towards a union.
‘You know, I was quite attracted to you before’, she admitted with no little amount of blushing.
‘Were you?’ he asked in amazement.
She nodded, taking his hands. They were normal hands. She could see a faint scar running over his left, but they were warm and otherwise unmarred.
‘When I first saw you at the Tourney of the Hand, I believed myself to be quite in love with you already.’
‘I was betrothed back then.’
‘As you were hours ago, yet we married.’
He smiled sadly at that.
‘Your betrothal did not make you any less dashing. I heard many ladies whispering about you’, she continued. No man, not even one like him, could be anything but amused by such a notion, and Lord Beric appeared to be impressed that he once held such sway, as he recalled but little.
‘I sound like quite a heartbreaker.’
‘Oh you were,’ she admitted with a smile, ‘and you were quite cocky too. I once heard someone say that when a guard asked you whether you would participate in the tourney, you announced you had come to win it.’
‘Ah, as arrogant as I was handsome once’, he smirked.
She lifted his hands to her chest. Her heart was beating wildly. She shut down her thoughts when they started wondering about the state of his.
‘Oh quite. But you do not strike me as particularly arrogant now’, she complimented.
His eyes wandered to where his hands pressed against her breast. She could feel the air growing charged.
‘Perhaps one of the few, if not the only, upside to what I’ve been through. I’ve not bothered to look in a mirror lately,’ he confessed before pulling back his hands, ‘but I think I am still as handsome as I am arrogant. Am I not, my lady?’
‘Jeyne’, she breathed as she pushed herself up to her knees.
‘I know that Joffrey was as beautiful as he was arrogant, and he ordered to have all Northerners killed. I know Ser Loras is handsome but his courtesy is cold and his arrogance is great. Beauty is a great deal less important than character. And if the price of beauty is arrogance, I could live with a little less beauty. Even so, as you said yourself, you do not know what you look like. Perhaps I could tell you, Beric?’ she offered as she pulled him upright.
She would rather sleep with him while he had his clothes on. She didn’t want to see whatever his clothes hid from her after months of fighting and dying. Yet she knew she must disrobe him. And she must seduce him while undressing him, without looking horrified lest she ruin the mood.
You wanted to marry him, now you have him, you’ve even dreamt of this exact moment, she told herself, just pretend he is like you imagined him.
At the sound of his name, he came alive and sat upright. He was as hungry for knowledge about his previous life as he was scared of it. She knew she had to tread carefully.
‘When I first saw you at the Tourney of the hand, your hair was red like fire, with strokes of orange where the sun had lightened it’, she explained as she let her finger slip through his hair to hold a strand in front of his face. ‘it’s still the exact same colour. It was just a bit muted because you hadn’t washed it in so long’, she smiled.
‘Your frame was quite slim, as it is now’, she explained as she undid the belt from which a dagger hung.
‘You’re just a bit slimmer since you’ve lost weight travelling without resting or eating properly. Just like Ser Thoros.’
She unbuttoned his jerkin and pushed it over his shoulders.
‘You didn’t have a beard yet, it’s new, but it suits you. It’s quite befitting of a rugged man saving fair maidens in the woods. Like Ser Robin in the tales of yore’, she encouraged while stroking his beard. She pushed forward and hesitantly brushed her lips against his.
He was unresponsive for a couple of seconds, before he mimicked the movement of her lips. It felt weird and mechanical, but she wouldn’t allow that to stop her.
She moved her hands to his hair, pulling him towards her before she slung a leg over his to straddle him.
‘You’ve got your injuries, but I doubt many men will come out of these wars unscathed.’ She pressed her lips against his throat, rocking her hips slowly.
‘Out on the roads, I dreamt that a courteous knight would come to my rescue.’
‘I doubt I’m much like the knights in those tales.’
‘Are you not? You saved me from an uncertain fate, and you are constantly putting your life on the line for the smallfolk. You rescue children orphaned by war. You are still chivalrous, and you will not even ask for an annulment if we do not accomplish what we set out to do. While everyone out there is fighting for some grand lord, you are defending those who cannot defend themselves, and punishing those who deserve to be punished. They should make a song or two about you’, she complimented him. She meant it too.
‘I’ll let you in on a secret. I dreamt you would come to my rescue.’
His smile faltered as her hands hesitated to lift his tunic.
‘I don’t know how much of a man I still am, Jeyne.’
‘And I don’t know how much of a lady I still am, Lord Baelish stole a large chunk of my innocence. The war stole our lives, but if we lose our hopes, dreams and ourselves, the war will have won. I won’t let the war take who I am on the inside, and I won’t let it steal my dreams, not when it has already taken so much’, she proclaimed full of conviction.
She took his face between her hands, taking in every detail of his face, and committing it to her memory, pushing away all perfect memories. This would have to be her dream. This was the Lord Beric she’d gotten. The old Lord Beric would never have been hers. Her dreams had been broken, she had been broken, it was only fair she allowed him to be a bit broken too.
‘Let us pretend, within the walls of this chamber, our dreams were granted to us, and we both got our happy ending. You can be a man with me, I will always see you as one. I don’t know your betrothed, and I know I am not much, but I promise I shall try and be a good wife to you.’
‘My lady Jeyne… Jeyne, you are not little. You are one of the most beautiful young ladies I have seen that I can remember. You are brave, honest, sweet and true. I know any man would be glad to have you.’
She did not have to pretend so much when she kissed him then. She pressed her body against his, and let her hands roam over his clothes.
She tried to mimic what she’d seen other  women do to men, rocking their bodies against them and getting them roused by the touch of their hands.
Lord Beric finally stopped fighting, and put away his conflicted emotions regarding himself. He tried to answer her touches as well as she could, and she in turn responded to his actions as encouragingly as possible.
She didn’t know when it happened, only that by the time it did, she had grown near desperate, but she finally felt a twitch in his lap. She wasted no time pulling him down and under the covers with her.
She pulled at his final clothing pieces, and shoved her hand down to encourage what had started to grow.
Please, she begged, please work.
She did not know, even if they managed to complete the act, if they could get pregnant. But she tried not to dwell on it. Instead, her imagination tried to envision a small child with blazing red hair and piercing blue eyes. She clung to it, and noted with satisfaction they were close to perhaps finding out if that was a viable dream.
She guided him on top of her then, and gave him an encouraging smile.
He was warm against her, his arms solid. She took all the comfort from it she could. She hadn’t been held in a long time. And no one had been kind to her in a long time either.
Just one child, that’s all I ask for, a son. She prayed to the old gods that her wish was heard.
She tried to put all her feelings into her thrusts, all her wishes for children, her wishes for a loving marriage, her fiery wishes for him.
He’d been brought back to life by fire, and was then given to her, her burning desire answered.
She gasped for breath when she felt his hand travel south.
‘I… I remember’, he rasped. ‘Shouldn’t I?’
A lady shouldn’t answer, yet she did and begged him to continue. She’d never before found her own release, but now felt her belly burning, and she could even feel her own heartbeat down there.
A strangled moan escaped her lips before she could silence it. A wave of heat flowed through her, reaching every fingertip. She could feel her heartbeat throbbing everywhere now, as waves of pleasure wracked through her body.
The candles were dying one by one, and the light was burning low. The only thing she could see was the gleam of copper in his hair, the only thing she could hear the sound of his breathing, and the only thing she could feel was his body. There was no world outside, and for a while, her dream was real and tangible as she placed her hands on his back.
A sharp intake of breath awakened her, and her eyes zoomed in on his face before she felt it, the pulsing sensation between her legs.
It had happened. She’d tried to believe it would happen, but she was surprised all the same.
She wrapped her arms and legs around him, keeping him inside of her.
‘See, we can be normal’, she whispered as unshed tears burned her eyes.
She could feel his lips against his cheek and felt some wetness there, the tears had already escaped.
‘I wish I would forever remember this.’
‘You can,’ she said passionately, ‘you lose memories when you die. You can still fight for the cause while practicing more care… And by staying away from men ten times your size and strength. Please, think of me. Think of me often, and return to me as much as you can, as long as you can.’
‘I’ll try’, he agreed.
 x.X.x
They decided they would not wait to see whether their effort had paid off, and upon Jeyne waking up in the middle of the night and finding her husband awake, they started again, and once more in the morning.
He was slow to rise, as if his body had to remember it was in fact human and belonging to a man, but they managed to rouse his member three times, and successfully reached his climax twice before they left their chamber.
Thoros decided it was a goal well worth a few days, and so Lord Beric remained near the inn for two weeks, with him helping to rebuild houses for the smallfolk and Jeyne trying to teach the children to read and write during the day, and going to their chamber together at night. He was still awkward and stiff, though never anything but gallant. One day the red priest took her apart to enquire after her marriage, when she assured him she was perfectly satisfied, and hopeful, he confided in her that not too long ago, Beric Dondarrion had admitted to being resurrected so many times that he could not even remember his favourite food or the man who knighted him and being weary of it all. Jeyne had seen that weariness many times by then, as if he was still surprised to find himself alive each day, but she saw him smiling more often towards the end of their second week of marriage.
Perhaps he’d been so focussed on living for a goal, he’d forgotten to live for himself, Jeyne thought.
After two weeks, whatever fairy-tale Jeyne had been living in had ended, and goodbyes were in order. She didn’t allow herself to cry, but she presented him with a bouquet of forget-me-nots and an embroidered eye-patch with his coat of arms on it, ‘lest you forget’, she’d smiled. He’d given her a last kiss then, and departed. He made her no promises, and she did not get her hopes up on seeing him again. His lifestyle did not allow him to promise his own survival, and nobody knew how great the red magician’s fire magic was.
She kept herself useful and occupied, so useful she did not even notice the flurry in the courtyard when a couple of men of the brotherhood arrived until Young Jeyne called her. She quickly rushed downstairs with her to receive the news that her husband had bumped into a scrawny young kid and the hound. They would have taken them to a certain cave somewhere in the woods, but Lord Beric had decided to see his wife again, and wondered whether she could verify the identity of the kid. The men had travelled in advance to make sure there were no Lannister men currently residing in the inn before Lord Beric arrived with the Hound and the kid. Satisfied with the negative answer, they left again, and arrived not long after.
The man was the hound, undeniably, and she was shocked to see the “kid” Jack-Be-Lucky had been talking about. Her hair was short and shielded the round youthfulness of her face and the tell-tale grey eyes of House Stark, but one who grew up with her could easily see the girl was Arya Stark. She promptly forgot all the cruelness and hard feelings that had grown naturally between young girls with clashing characters having to live together, and cried out her name, running towards her and throwing her arms around her tiny figure.
She reeked and was so filthy she would need at least two baths before her skin became visible through the layers of caked dirt, but Jeyne’s joy could not and would not be reigned in. Arya, long believed missing, was alive and well.
‘Jeyne?’ Arya peeped, eyes warily taking in the older girl. She nodded with a smile.
‘That settles it then, your claims have been true Clegane’, Lord Beric decided as he dismounted his horse.
‘Told you’, the hound rasped. The look he threw her and Arya made her shiver, but she didn’t budge.
‘I take it you would both like a good meal’, Lord Beric offered.
‘Perhaps a bath first’, Jeyne supplied.
Both new guests sputtered, but begrudgingly agreed in the end.
She noticed Ser Thoros kept his eyes firmly fixed upon her that evening, and right as she was about to go to her rooms, he called for her.
‘Can you do your duty tonight?’ he asked gently.
Her cheeks burned red as she asked why she wouldn’t be able to.
‘Only that it would be natural for you to bleed perhaps, if you haven’t already.’
Jeyne froze and counted. And counted again. She’d had her flow a week before meeting the brotherhood without banners. She should have had them already. Should have had them weeks ago. She battled against the smile fighting its way to her face.
‘I still have to carry it to term, ser. Let us not celebrate. Many pregnancies are lost the first few moons. And I may yet lose my life before the nineth moon rises.’
‘Yet it is a good sign we even got this far, my lady. Perhaps you should tell your lord husband tonight.’
She did, and even though his face lost all symmetry as the wounded side tried to smile along with the good side, she could not but bring herself to feel joy at seeing him. A part of his face still made her fear, but she put those foolish fears aside. She made him swear to return to her, when he told her he would be going to the Twins.
‘No foolishness. No danger, no stupid sacrificing of your own life, understood? I rather want you to run than be slain. Your life is useful. If you run away you can help hundreds of others still, and be there for me.’
Months passed, and the fourth moon after her marriage, she could finally show him the signs of their successful union when he returned to the inn. Their reunion was not joyful though, as he brought the news of Lady Starks and King Robb’s deaths. They told her how they’d fished Lady Stark out of the river, and how Lord Beric had pleaded with Thoros to give her the kiss of life. But the man had refused, saying it had been too long. Beric had been mad with rage then, but gave the Lady the funeral the Tully’s had always given their own.
That had been the night she finally felt bold enough to lift his tunic, though she wished she hadn’t, because she could never have her ignorance back. Three deaths had been visible, although the second was always shielded by his hair and the bruises around his neck had been ignorable. But a lost eye was an average wound, and his thinness she could very well deal with, but the large ugly purple stitches where he’d been impaled by a lance and struck by a blade did look too awful to survive. It had been the starkest evidence that he should not have been alive.
She’d had nightmares that evening, wondering what effect his deaths and magical revivals would have and how it would affect their child.
‘I just… I always try to tell myself that all will be well, if I pray enough… but I can’t. I worry. I worry so much. I worry for you, for me, our child, my family, the world. I don’t know what powers there are in this world, all I know is that I do not underestimate the powers of the lord of light, but I fear. And I can’t help but fear. I dare not make plans, I dare not look at the future. But it’s so hard to live in an eternal present, when there’s a future within you’, she hiccupped as her hands cradled her belly.
‘I cannot promise you anything, nor shall I comfort you when I know all comforting words will be lies. But I promised to be there for you when the night is dark and full of terrors. I’ve seen those terrors, and I understand your fears. But let us pray, let us pray, that there is a merciful god out there’, he told her, cradling her belly with his own hands.
‘Please be safe. I want you to be safe.’
‘I want that too. I want to be in the future this little one is preparing for’, he admitted softly.
The lands became more quiet once the Starks were dead and Edmure Tully had been handed over to the Lannisters. The war seemed to move to the Crownlands. Although the Riverlands were still scorched and ruined, with bandits lurking everywhere, it was preferable to how it used to be. It also meant that her husband, who had died every two to three months before meeting her, had not died in the nine months he’d been with her.
But winter was coming, and a week after the first snow had fallen, she was placed on a boat.
‘I’ve never sailed before’, she admitted to her lord husband, who had been quietly watching her as she saw the shore growing smaller.
‘I can’t remember sailing either’, he admitted.
‘You’ll finally be home again.’
‘An image to attach to the name’, he nodded. ‘Blackhaven.’
‘You will like it, my lord’, Edric Dayne said.
‘It is a beautiful castle.’
‘As long as it proves to be a safe one’, he answered morosely.
Edric Dayne nodded.
‘You could keep it safe?’ Jeyne suggested softly, her gloved hand connecting with the cold one of her husband. He did not mind the cold. Did not even notice it.
‘You know I cannot. I have a duty. To the realm.’
‘No one else appears to have a duty to it’, Jeyne answered bitterly.
Life was not like a song, there were no real heroes, and justice did not win.
She had given up on her girlish fantasies, she now only wished to keep the few small dreams she had alive.
They were not much. She only wished to survive with Lord Beric, and deliver their child safely.
A dream of spring. A season in which all suffering and hardships became a thing of the past.
‘All the more reason for me to return. It is not that I do not care for you, my love. But we are but three, and they are many. It is selfish to only care for the three of us, if I can keep you two safe and take care of hundreds of others at the same time as well.’
He pressed a soft kiss on her cheek, and offered her as much love as he could during their trip.
Kisses, touches, she treasured them all. And wrote everything down in a diary she had started on the day the boat had left the harbour.
She wrote down everything he said and everything he did. All the ways he was damaged, and all the ways he was not. She tried sketching him, not that she was very good.
She knew that he risked dying. She knew the odds of him surviving were almost non-existent, they had been since before they married.
Wedged between the Red Mountains stood a castle with black basalt walls. Around the castle ran a moat. She could not see the bottom of it. It was a black abyss. But as bottomless as the moat appeared to be, so limited was the castle. There were two rows of protective walls, in which the staff of the castle lived, unperturbed by the war.
In the middle stood a small castle, nowhere near as grand or beautiful as the castle of King’s Landing. It also didn’t feel as ancient or look as architecturally stunning as Winterfell. But it was cosy, its rooms warm, even despite the winter cold. The castle had been built to keep all elements out, not only the heat, and all rooms had great hearths.
It felt like a home, she reasoned.
When Beric first entered the room that had once been his, Jeyne had wept in his stead. The sheets were unchanged, only covered up by a white blanket to ward off the dust. On the desk in his solar lay the letters he had left behind, having intended only to stay for the Tourney of the Hand all those years ago.
His clothes were large on him now, but the fresh set of clothes his size and befitting of his station were more than welcome. And the sheets, where they had lain on top of eachother, still held the perfume he’d last worn years ago, he’d recognized it, despite not even knowing he had once worn it.
In the room where he had once dined with his parents hung a portrait of him, and on another a mirror, the starkest reminder of who he had once been, and who he was now.
He had not been born amongst the ashes of the battlefield, he had been borne there, amidst solid stone, and had been raised by good parents.
It did not feel like a home to him, but it did to her. He was reminded of what he had forgotten, she saw what the castle had once been and could be again; a home to a noble family.
On the fifth day, once he had ensured all residents and the surrounding folk he lived, was married and had only received some scars, he left.
Life was like a song, Jeyne reasoned.
The fair maiden was rescued.
Evil lost.
The good side won.
And heroes died bravely while defending those who couldn’t protect themselves.
That’s where the stories ended.
Right after the good part.
Jeyne had the good part. Then came the rest of her life.
Twins with bright red hair.
No coffin to burry her husband, all the dead had been buried.
And the Spring she had wished for, in which her children could grow up safe.
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hotel-japanifornia · 5 years ago
Note
If Phoenix or Maya died instead of Mia, that would be a very sad AU to the entire series as a whole. Who knows what that would have done to her.
Well, I did write an AU where Maya got murdered by Redd White. I’m not going to act like my fic is the definitive of how Turnabout Sisters would have gone if Maya was the victim but I do think that it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that things would have gone that way. Mia for sure would have figured out that Redd White was the murderer and would have gone after him, and do anything in her power to take him down. 
As for what happens to Mia after The Reversal of Sisters, well, here’s how the rest of the franchise would have gone at least in my view:
Mia finds out that Will Powers, the actor of the Steel Samurai was arrested for murder. Recognizing that name as the show that Maya loved so much, she takes the case because she knows that’s what Maya would want her to do.
Phoenix insists on tackling Turnabout Goodbyes on his own as he desperately wants to help his friend out. He loses because Maya isn’t around to call Lotta out on the validity of her testimony, and Edgeworth is found “Guilty” of murder. As a side note, Von Karma disappears and is never heard from again. Afterwards, Phoenix slips into a deep depression and Mia consoles him, the two comforting each other due to them both losing someone they care about deeply.
Mia ends up defending Lana at the request of Ema Skye. Lana is much more open to the idea of having Mia as her lawyer but still acts similarly cold and distant towards her as she did Phoenix. Mia, with Ema’s help, manages to defend Lana successfully, though she still goes to jail. At the end, Lana and Mia promise to stay in touch during the former’s prison sentence through writing letters.
The Kurain case never happens as there’s no Maya for Morgan to plot to get rid of. Instead, Dr. Grey goes nuts and tries to murder Mimi Miney who is disguised as Ini. He is arrested for attempted murder. The reason I think Grey would go after “Ini” is because he would want to take vengeance upon the sister of the woman who had in a sense, ruined his business. I also don’t think Mimi would have gone after Grey had he not suggested the channeling honestly.
The Lost Turnabout and Turnabout Big Top would have been taken by Mia. She offers both cases to Phoenix, but he’s still depressed after losing Edgeworth. She does manage to convince him to stand in with her during trial.
Mia would have no reason to take Farewell, My Turnabout. In actuality, I think that Matt Engarde’s case would have been taken by a public defender as everyone else is convinced of his guilt. The public defender loses the case and Engarde is found “Guilty. And as an added bonus, the public defender’s body is found the next day but nobody knows if their death was a murder or a suicide. You could argue that maybe Mia would have taken Matt’s case, but I’m not so sure. Engarde looked rather “Guilty” from the onset and if it wasn’t for DeKiller, I’m not so sure Phoenix would have taken it either…without coercion from Maya.
Diego wakes up in August 2018. Mia, scared of losing him again, proposes to him very soon after he wakes up. The two of them marry and Phoenix is the man of honor.
Soon afterwards, Diego joins the Fey & Co. Law Offices as a third lawyer. 
Phoenix, inspired by Diego’s return to law, starts taking cases again, but starts off slow with simple hit-and-run and assault cases. He doesn’t take up the case revolving around the murder at KB security (Diego does), but does take up the murder at Tres Bien which goes much differently than it does in canon. This is because he isn’t as popular in this universe so Furio Tigre can’t impersonate him to get Maggey convicted of murder.
Diego is Phoenix’s aide during the Gramarye trial and tells him to watch out for that forged diary page. With his help, Phoenix is able to avoid being disbarred. However, Zak still disappears after the conclusion of the trial (because why wouldn’t he honestly?) and Phoenix still adopts lil’ Trucy.
As a side note, because AAI and AAI2 require the presence of Edgeworth, the smuggling ring and the Mastermind are never caught for their crimes. Actually come to think of it, the Mastermind actually WOULD be put in jail, but for a murder they never actually committed. 
Turnabout Visitors ends up going differently since it requires Edgeworth to have the room he has in canon. If Jacques was able to get Edgeworth’s room, he might not end up needing to murder Buddy after all. On the other hand, Rhoda would be accused of murdering Akbey, Lauren would be accused of murdering her father, and Kay would be accused of murdering Coachen. I don’t know who would have been accused of murdering Ka-Shi-Nou though.
The fake president is never discovered and SS-5 is never resolved. Blaise, Patricia, and Di-Jun-Huang never face retribution for their crimes.
The UR-1 trial goes a bit differently than it does in canon. Since a Fey & Co. defense attorney may have taken young Simon’s case, it’s possible that they’re able to prove his innocence and demonstrate the existence of a “phantom” killer. He would have still been arrested on tampering with the crime scene but on a lighter sentence due to trying to protect a young Athena. Make no mistake though, Simon totally adopts Athena once he gets out of the slammer. Whether or not she becomes a defense attorney still is up in the air but I think it’s likely. She might get inspired by watching Simon in court and want to face off against him in court.
Because the UR-1 trial goes differently than it does in canon and Phoenix is never disbarred, the dark age of the law never truly starts.
Apollo ends up working for the Fey & Co. Law Offices instead of Kristoph. I’m not sure how exactly AJ would have gone down. I think Kristoph would still have murdered Shadi and Turnabout Corner and Turnabout Serenade may gone down like in canon. Whether or not Kristoph is caught for murdering Shadi…is a different story.
Ema also doesn’t grow up to be a grumpy bear detective but probably is still bitter about not getting her dream job.
For DD, I can see 5-2, 5-3, and 5-DLC going the same just with Simon acting in a different manner since he was never convicted of Metis’ murder and as such, doesn’t have the lingering threat of death hanging over his head. I don’t think that Bobby and Simon knew each other before the latter got convicted so it’s probably a different detective working those cases. Unless the Phantom kills that guy and somehow manages to manipulate Simon into thinking the other detective just simply quit…
The Khu’rain cases in SOJ likely don’t happen because none of the Fey & Co. defense attorneys have any real reason to travel there. 6-2, 6-4, and 6-DLC might still happen but with different lawyers working those cases. 
As for the sibling reveal, well, like in canon, it still hasn’t happened yet. That’s mainly because it’s really not up to any of the lawyers to decide when Lamiroir will let Trucy and Apollo know of their heritage, Although, it might be a bit sooner since Apollo doesn’t go to Khu’rain in this version.
Phoenix never finds out the truth about Dahlia. As a result, he probably stays single for the rest of his life. He almost definitely would have trust issues if he ever got into a relationship again.
Lastly, Morgan receives a call from Mia about Maya’s murder. She decides to use Maya’s death to her advantage and tells Pearl a couple hours later that Mystic Maya had contacted her personally and told her that she never wanted to see her or Pearl ever again. Pearl is inconsolable at first and refuses to believe that her beloved cousin would ever do or say such a thing. However, over time, as Pearl grows older and Maya never returns, she begins to take Morgan’s word for it. Meanwhile, Morgan does her part to ensure that Pearl never finds out the truth and murders anyone who threatens to try. 
Pearl becomes Master as a result in 2021, she doesn’t receive the Master’s Talisman from Misty and is instead given a new one upon courtesy of her mother (I don’t think we ever learn if new Master’s Talismans are made when a person becomes Master. I’m pretty sure they aren’t passed down though). By the time she’s 18, she’s blocked the memory of her cousins out of hatred towards them for leaving the family. Misty never goes out of hiding out of fear that her sister might kill her if she tries to reach out to Pearl. She and Larry are still master and student though.
Pearl does go for training in Khu’rain but it’s unknown if she stays with the Inmees like Maya does in canon.
This at least, is an outline of how it could have gone. Things almost certainly would have been very different if Phoenix had been murdered. He would never have been the lawyer he is today, etc. Maya and Mia probably would be working together to try to put Redd away, so that’s a fun thought for an AU.
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ask-alaska-and-hawaii · 5 years ago
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TV Tropes: Hawaii
Adorkable: She is an energetic and optimistic romantic who also loves anime and manga.
Affectionate Nickname: Hawaii is mainly called ‘Lani’ which originates from human name of Moana Leilani.
All-Loving Heroine: All she wants to do is make people smile so they won’t feel the pain of sadness as she does most of the time. She also truly does believe in the best in people even when they don’t show it.
The Baby of the Bunch: Hawaii is the youngest of all the states which cause them (and America) to be very overprotective her to the point that she feels patronized. 
Berserk Button: For the safety of yourself and those around you please read the following triggers. Hawaii is usually a sweet girl, but mess with her games and ships, be rude to her family, or say that all she’s good for is tourism, well, let’s just say bad things happen. Oh and Japan merely being in her presence sets something off in her.
Brooding Boy, Gentle Girl: The gentle girl to Alaska’s brooding boy and given they are siblings, even adopted, this a platonic version.
Competition Freak: She’s extremely competitive, especially when it comes to surfing and multiplayer games. It can actually be extremely terrifying. 
Cosplay Otaku Girl: She is a huge anime fan with her favorite anime being Sailor Moon which she has dressed up as for many years.
Daddy’s Girl: She loves her dad a lot. Though America has a tendency to spoil her.
Flower in her Hair: Hawaii is rarely seen without her a bright-red hibiscus flower in her hair.
Girly Bruiser: She’s very girly but she’s still America’s daughter so pissing her off might not be a good idea.
Girly Girl with a Tomboy Streak: She may love dolls and princesses, but she also loves surfing and martial arts.
Heroic Self-Deprecation: No matter how kind Hawaii is to how many people, she still thinks she doesn’t do enough to help people and even thinks it’s selfish of her to suffer from PTSD when many people faced far worse than her which is why she refuses to go to therapy. She doesn’t want to waste the therapist's time.
Hidden Depths: 
Hawaii actually has a deep want to not be seen as just a little kid by her siblings and father and to be actually taken seriously as a state.
She despises war and becomes extremely serious when someone mentions even in a joke scenario.
She has a terrifying temper.
Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Platonic with Alaska. She is the tiny girl to Alaska’s huge guy.
Innocent Blue Eyes: Zigzagged. She does have a wide eyed view of the world and is optimistic for its future, however, she is a bit more jaded than she lets on.
Innocently Insensitive: Has a tendency towards this especially when it comes to Alaska and his state.
Long Hair is Feminine: She loves her long dark hair and is very girly, especially in comparison to some of her older sisters.
Martial Pacifist: She’s actually a massive pacifist but she does have tendency to lose her temper which can cause her to turn violent. She also knows many forms of defensive combat but won’t attack unless it’s the last option.
Meaningful Name: Hawaii’s human name actually makes a lot more sense when you know the history behind with her parents. Her first name is ‘Moana’ which ‘Ocean’ in Native Hawaiian and this name came from her mother who wanted her to be able to travel as far as the ocean does, around the world. Meanwhile, her middle name of ‘Leilani’ means ‘Heavenly Flower’ and this names was chosen by her father who much prefers Hawaii to stay inside of America’s borders like a lovely bloom in a Greenhouse. However, what he doesn’t seem to realize is that the most beautiful flowers are the ones that grow free.
Morality Pet: Downplayed but to Alaska. She is one of the only people that Alaska has managed to make an emotional connection and she is also the one to call him out if he acts too much like a jerk.
Not Even Bothering with an Accent: Averted. Hawaii does have an accent which is seen most obviously when she speaks in Native Hawaiian.
Older Than They Look: Hawaii is a state so this is a given however, the weird thing is that she can only age up another year every 23 years and nobody knows why.
Pink Means Feminine: Her daily dress is a bright pink dress with darker pink hibiscus printed on the front and she is a girly girl at heart.
Pollyanna: Played for drama. Hawaii does her best to be optimistic and happy so nobody has to feel sad when they’re around her. However, this does put a mental strain on her and as made it hard for her to express any emotion but constant happiness because that’s what is expected of her. 
Rapunzel Hair: Thanks to her mom, Hawaii has rather long, curly hair that reaches about her lower back. To her, it's her best physical feature and as such takes very good care of it. This is actually the main reason she wears her in braids since they are able to keep her hair in place and makes it easier for her to do the activities she likes.
Scars Are Forever: It’s been more than 70 years and the huge scar on her back hasn’t faded in the slightest.
Shell-Shocked Veteran: Not exactly a veteran but definitely shell-shocked. Specifically, she has PTSD and its not uncommon for her to wake up in a cold sweat after a night terror or randomly stare off into nothing. She also despises war and has ekrixiphobia (the fear of explosions).
Spoiled Sweet: Being an American state and basically an island paradise, Hawaii has many privileges compared to other countries and been spoiled by her parents, however, she is still a loving girl who never looks down on anyone less fortunate than her.
Stepford Smiler: Downplayed but similar to her father. She is genuinely a cheerful person, however, as stated in Pollyanna she does it mainly for other people and not herself and few people other than America and Alaska even know about her PTSD.
Survivor’s Guilt: Hawaii feels this knowing how many people’s lives were lost at Pearl Harbor and knowing that if she had been human she would’ve died from her injuries. However, she doesn’t want their sacrifices to be in vain so she does what she can to be a good person.
Sweet Tooth: A massive one. She loves all kinds of sugary or sweet dishes but her favorites have to be shaved ice and upside pineapple cake. 
Trademark Favorite Food: To the surprise of everyone, Hawaii loves Spam unironically and puts it in nearly everything she eats. She also loves coconuts and pineapples.
Trauma Button: Fireworks and even action movies with explosions easily triggers her PTSD.
True Blue Femininity: When she was a territory, Hawaii wore a blue sailor dress.
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a-fangirl-universe · 6 years ago
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Here comes my weekly heartbreak about Game of Thrones... Yeah (please take me back). 
So I’m gonna be honest, I thought this episode could have been great, the setting, the pictures, the music everything is really beautiful andin King’s Landing we have this feeling of claustrophobia and fear for everyone one. But it wasn’t what I was expected, part of it because I’m a Dany stan, but most of all because this seem so sudden and a bit anticlimactic.
Let’s start with the general story of this episode and I’ll rant about characters later. So we know it was the battle of King’s Landing, we waited for this for so long for Cersei to be challenged for the Iron Throne and for what was said to be one of the most important moment of the series. I mean I’m not in the fandom for that long I was so excited about it. So once again the cinematography of this episode is gorgeous but I wasn’t satisfied by it. The Golden Company was the most oversold thing ever, like honestly in two minutes they were gone (also Dany’s army wasn’t supposedly a less shorter after the battle of Winterfell ???) so this big thing we’ve been sold since season 7 weren’t that challenging for her armies that was weird but anyway. And a lot of things happened, aka Danaerys and Jamie have lost all of their characters development in one scene and it broke my heart. Cersei death wasn’t what I was expected, I mean we follow her since the beginning and she’s dying crushed by rocks, I mean they could have done fire at least (even if I actually wanted Arya, or Jamie, to kill her) but no, rocks. But it was a great acting performance because I actually felt pity towards her, which I never felt until then, and I almost wanted her to escape you know like far away from King’s Landing and the crown, but no rocks...
Other important plot thing : the Cleganebowl, another thing we’ve been waited for. The setting of this battle, in the stairs was weird you know not what I imagined but it worked. Honestly I was satisfied by it. We see Sandor rage and determination and Gregor is literally a monster and quite honestly one who is hard to kill. But they both died, together. Tell me I’m not the only one who thought about the scene when Harry jump from the Hogwarts bridge with Voldemort in the last Harry Potter movie. Which kind of ruined the moment for me but anyway. The last scene between Arya and Sandor was quite touching and his character is one I grow to like for his complexity. Let’s talk about Arya one minute, this girl has a way to escape death quite impressive and I’m happy about it I love her, like a lot. But the final scene with the horse was maybe a bit too much, I mean a dragon just fly over the city this horse should be far gone by the end of the battle. 
So now let’s talk about the things that made me angry : the characters development lead to that ?
- First Jamie : I was hopeful that I would go to King’s Landing to stop Cersei NOT TO DIE WITH HER !!! (yeah it was probably hopeless thinking but still) And I’m sorry but his character arc didn’t lead him there. I mean if you wanted him to go back to Cersei, why fight with the North ? and even worse why sleep with Brienne ? I fought for the North because I was sure it was the right thing to do even against Cersei advise. And that’s the thing I thought he was over Cersei, that’s what the show told us and that’s why he slept with Brienne. Because he learned to move on from his relationship with his sister. But noooo, every change we saw in his character were not really there because he came back to die with his sister. And I can understand but it wasn’t foreshadow, he didn’t have any regret leaving Cersei, or their unborn child to fight with the North so why come back now ???? It would have been interesting if we saw more internal struggle but we didn't. He leaves and he doesn’t think twice about it and he basically says that he doesn’t care about the people. Way to kill this character arc.
- Then comes the mother of dragons, who like Jamie had her entire character development killed in this episode. First before the battle. As no one, like none of her adviser or Jon Snow tried to confort her ??? I mean she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep, she lost her best friend and one of her dragon and when she sees the man she loves he reject her. I mean could one of the person around her could have try to talk to her. Let’s be clear I don’t think it was a reason to kill innocent, I’m just saying that in the beginning she is lonely and that didn’t help. So she learned that Varys betrayed her. Honestly his death was a bit underwhelming. I mean he died and no one talks about it after. And after that comes the battle, and that’s where my issues start. So when the bells ring it was supposed to mean surrender and no more battle but of course it didn’t happened that way. My main issue here is not Dany continue on with the battle but it’s Dany burning innocents. If she had she flew to the Red Keep to attack Cersei it would have been one thing, a bit dramatic and brutal but revenge and honestly maybe understandable after she lost her best friend and one of her dragon because of her. But since the beginning she was always this character who didn’t want to hurt the innocents, she ended slavery in slaver’s bay and lock her dragons up when one of them killed a kid. She tried to be just and fair and stayed in Mereen so she could be sure that the peace is lasting and to learn how to rule. Did she sometimes acted a bit harshly, yes. But never towards innocents. And that’s what was the issue here for me, because until that moment we never saw her hurting people who didn’t rebel against her. And that’s what disappointed here, who can just throw away 7 season of character development in two episodes. You wanted to make her the Mad Queen, fine, then let’s show us her descent into madness, the way she acted less humanly during several seasons and her being more and more obsessed with the Throne before coming to Westeros. 
Just so you know, I love Dany (well not the version of her from this episode) and maybe I refused to see some things so if you had some theories about Dark Dany please let me now, tell me what moments was for you character twist and if you were satisfied with how she was treated in this episode. Because honestly I wasn’t, in my opinion it was too sudden to feel natural and I’m sad they ruined her character that way. 
For the last episode I feel like Arya is gonna try to kill Dany, I’m almost sure she’s gonna die honestly. And my wish for the end of the season is that Sansa end up one the throne. Honestly if Jon end up on the throne I would be disappointed because I don’t know I would rather have Sansa than Jon, even if I like him a lot honestly. Right now I’m just sad they ruined one of the most interesting female character on TV
Please if you don’t like Dany tell me what you thought of this episode, because I may have a bias when it comes to her. 
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antihero-writings · 6 years ago
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The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)
Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud
Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?
Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)
Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!
I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!
Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.
P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!
Fic:
Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.
It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.
Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.
As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.
He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.
She lifted her head.
When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.
When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?
He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.
Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.
Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.
When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.
“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”
He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”
They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.
She could be a little tyrant sometimes.
At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”
“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”
He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.
Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.
There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.
It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…
Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.
Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.
Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.
“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”
“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.
“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”
He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”
“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.
Shelly smiled, shaking her head.
“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”
“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.
“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”
“What?!” Break blurted out.
“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”
“Do I get a say in this?!”
“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”
“Tch.” He looked away.
She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.
He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.
She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”
He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.
She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,
“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”
He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”
“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”
“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.
He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.
Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.
“Checkmate.”
He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.
They could be tyrants sometimes.
Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.
That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?
A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”
And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.
*****
It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.
Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.
If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.
If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.
All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.
Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.
They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.
When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.
The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.
It was awfully cold.
He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.
He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:
It was snowing.
There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.
Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.
“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.
He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).
Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.
Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.
Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.
He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.
Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,
“Ojousama.”
She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.
He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”
She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.
“Break,” she muttered his name softly.
Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.
“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”
He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”
“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”
She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.
“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.
“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”
She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.
Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.
“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”
He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.
“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”
“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”
She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.
“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.
She nodded, beaming.
They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.
“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”
“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.
She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.
“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”
“You’ll see!” said Emily.
Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.
Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.
Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.
It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.
Break could barely contain his laughter.
He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,
“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”
Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.
“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,
“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.
“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”
“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor
Break laughed, “Is that so?”
“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.
“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.
“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”
He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”
Sharon and Break grinned at each other.
Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”
Reim rolled his eyes.
Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.
Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”
He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.
They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.
They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.
Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.
“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.
“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.
“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.
“I was simply—”
This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.
“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.
“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”
“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.
“That’s more like,” Break smirked.
It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.
The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.
It was a while later when another voice broke through:
“Hey, what are you guys doing?”
They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.
“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”
“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”
“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”
“Really?! You’ll let me?!”
“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”
Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”
Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.
“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.
“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”
As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.
Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”
Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.
Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).
Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.
“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,
“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.
There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).
Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,
He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.
“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.
She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”
Well, she got me there.
It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.
Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.
“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.
“What? That you got me?”
Reim’s expression was unmoving.
“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”
Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.
“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)
“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”
“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”
“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.
Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”
“Try me, Manservant!”
“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.
“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.
That seemed to return Reim to his senses,
“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”
“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”
Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.
And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.
That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.
Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.
Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.
He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.
So they settled for a smile.
His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.
Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.
And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.
“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.
They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.
He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.
He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.
They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.
For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.
Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,
“Merry Christmas, everyone!”
“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.
“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”
“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.
“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”
“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.
“There he goes again calling himself old!”
Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”
“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.
They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.
He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.
“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.
The others noticed, and stopped too.
“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.
“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.
He rolled his eyes at them.
“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”
They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.
“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.
“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”
“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”
They glanced at each other.
“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.
The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.
“Sharon?” he asked softly.
No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.
“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”
He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.
“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”
“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”
“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.
He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.
“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.
Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.
If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.
“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”
Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.
“Y-You were?”
He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.
“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.
She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.
His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.
He shook his head of the memory.
“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”
She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.
“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”
“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”
He gently wrapped his own arms around her.
“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”
He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.
“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”
She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.
“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.
She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.
“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.
She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”
For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.
“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”
She nodded, smiling.
He gently reached down and picked her up.
“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.
He touched her nose with his finger.
After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”
His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.
“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”
He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”
She shook her head, “No you’re not!”
Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”
The smile she returned was real too.
And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.
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The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)
Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud
Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?
Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don't have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it here, or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!) 
Out of all the PH fics I've written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!
I feel like the Rainsworth Trio--especially Sharon and Break--don't really talk about Break's death, even though they know it's coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!
Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is "Into the Open Air" from the Brave soundtrack.
Fic:
Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.
It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.
Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.
As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.
He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.
She lifted her head.
When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.
When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?
He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.
Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.
Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.
When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.
“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?” 
He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”
They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.
She could be a little tyrant sometimes.
At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”
“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”
He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.
Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.
There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.
It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…
Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.
Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.
Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.
“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”
“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.
“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”
He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”
“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.
Shelly smiled, shaking her head.
“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”
“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.
“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”
“What?!” Break blurted out.
“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”
“Do I get a say in this?!”
“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”
“Tch.” He looked away.
She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.
He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.
She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”
He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.
She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,
“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”
He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”
“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”
“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.
He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.
Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.
“Checkmate.”
He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.
They could be tyrants sometimes.
Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.
That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?
A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”
And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.
*****
It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.
Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.
If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.
If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.
All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.
Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.
They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.
When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.
The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.
It was awfully cold.
He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.
He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:
It was snowing.
There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.
Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.
“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.
He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).
Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.
Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.
Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.
He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.
Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,
“Ojousama.”
She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.
He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”
She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.
“Break,” she muttered his name softly.
Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.
“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”
He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”
“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”
She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.
“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.
“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”
She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.
Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.
“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”
He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.
“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”
“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”
She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.
“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.
She nodded, beaming.
They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.
“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”
“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.
She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.
“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”
“You’ll see!” said Emily.
Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.
Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.
Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.
It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.
Break could barely contain his laughter.
He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,
“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”
Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.
“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,
“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.
“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”
“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor
Break laughed, “Is that so?”
“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.
“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.
“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”
He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”
Sharon and Break grinned at each other.
Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”
Reim rolled his eyes.
Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.
Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”
He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.
They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.
They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.
Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.
“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.
“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.
“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.
“I was simply—”
This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.
“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.
“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”
“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.
“That’s more like,” Break smirked.
It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.
The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.
It was a while later when another voice broke through:
“Hey, what are you guys doing?”
They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.
“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”
“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”
“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”
“Really?! You’ll let me?!”
“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”
Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”
Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.
“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.
“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”
As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.
Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”
Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.
Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).
Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.
“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,
“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.
There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).
Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,
He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.
“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.
She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”
Well, she got me there.
It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.
Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.
“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.
“What? That you got me?”
Reim’s expression was unmoving.
“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”
Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.
“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)
“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”
“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”
“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.
Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”
“Try me, Manservant!”
“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.
“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.
That seemed to return Reim to his senses,
“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”
“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”
Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.
And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.
That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.
Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.
Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.
He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.
So they settled for a smile.
His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.
Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.
And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.
“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.
They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.
He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.
He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.
They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.
For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.
Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,
“Merry Christmas, everyone!”
“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.
“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”
“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.
“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”
“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.
“There he goes again calling himself old!”
Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”
“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.
They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.
He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.
“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.
The others noticed, and stopped too.
“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.
“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.
He rolled his eyes at them.
“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”
They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.
“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.
“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”
“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”
They glanced at each other.
“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.
The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.
“Sharon?” he asked softly.
No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.
“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”
He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.
“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”
“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”
“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.
He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.
“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.
Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.
If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.
“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”
Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.
“Y-You were?”
He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.
“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.
She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.
His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.
He shook his head of the memory.
“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”
She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.
“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”
“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”
He gently wrapped his own arms around her.
“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”
He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.
“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”
She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.
“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.
She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.
“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.
She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”
For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.
“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”
She nodded, smiling.
He gently reached down and picked her up.
“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.
He touched her nose with his finger.
After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”
His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.
“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”
He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”
She shook her head, “No you’re not!”
Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”
The smile she returned was real too.
And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.
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swandrabbles · 7 years ago
Text
Marauders Drabbles!
1)
              “Please try to persuade him to come, for my sake.”
              Remus frowned deeply as he looked at Sirius. Sirius who had spent most of the past week alternating between bouts of fury, and dissolving into the carpet in fits of inconsolable sadness. Remus dragged his fingers through his hair, effectively adding to the already out of control mess that it was.
              “Sirius, maybe you should just apologize to him.” Remus said after a moments contemplation.
              “I can’t.”
              “Why can’t you?”
              Sirius sat up from where he had been slumped over on his bed, fixing his eyes on Remus with such intensity, Remus wanted to check his chest for the hole that was probably being bore through it.
              “Because it was his stupid fault!” Sirius snapped, crossing his arms. In the three years they had been at Hogwarts, James and Sirius had only had two fights. One first year over James having accidentally broken Sirius’ favorite quill, and now. Though if Remus recalled the facts straight, this was most definitely Sirius’ fault.
              “Sirius, I’m not sure that purposefully dumping pumpkin juice down the back of Lily’s robes was his fault.” Remus took a chance and sat on the bed beside Sirius, his feet not quite touching the floor.
              “It is too his fault. How was I to know that James likes her.” Sirius muttered. “Why does he like her! She’s stuffy and rude and calls him names and won’t even talk to him.” Sirius brooded.
              “I’m not sure why…is that what this is all about?” Remus wanted to laugh. “You dumped juice on her because you found out that James likes her?”
              “No.” Sirius muttered, but his ears had gone pink. He looked away from Remus pointedly.
              Remus smiled sympathetically, lightly touching Sirius on the shoulder. “Why are you so mad that James has a crush?”
              “Because what if he doesn’t want to be friends with us anymore, because she doesn’t like me.” Sirius looked at Remus, fear somewhere behind his steely gaze.
              “Oh Sirius.” Remus let his hands fall to his lap. “I don’t think that would ever happen…” Remus wasn’t honestly so sure, but he understood Sirius’ fear. Understood what it was like to be left behind, to fear seeing the backs of those who he cared about.
              “I hope you’re right.” Sirius whispered.
    2)
                She opened her handbag and tipped the contents onto the floor.
              Three lip colors. A handful of change, A sadly dilapidated mint, and six Polaroid pictures. Lily’s eyes widened. She had completely forgotten she’d stuck them in the bag that had ended up lost in a box at the back of her closet. She fingered the smudgy white back, reading the date scribbled in Remus’ normally careful pen.
              “May 21st, 1977.” She grinned and flipped it over. A much younger version of herself smiled as she wiggled up under James’ arm. Sirius was planting a kiss on Remus who looked utterly embarrassed, though he was smiling. James was trying to hold the Camera at an angle to get all four of them in the frame. They’d been on a group date out to Hogsmead shortly before graduating. Remus had insisted they go one last time as students, and it had been one of the best nights of Seventh year.
              “Mom?”
              Lily startled, then smiled. “In here, Harry!”
              A moment later her Son’s face poked around the door to the closet. At thirteen he looked so much like James did, just as gangly, just as unkempt. James kept saying that Harry would grow into his ears, after all, his father had eventually.
              “Why are you in the closet?” Harry came in, plopping down next to her.
              “Just going through some old boxes.” Lily said, smiling and holding up the photos. “Finding some fun little bits and bobs.”
              “Should you be doing that? Dad said not to left anything heavy.” Harry frowned. Lily snorted, rolling her eyes.
              “You and your father both. Merlin’s beard.” She set her hand on her eight month pregnant belly. “Your sister is happy to stay put, and I haven’t been lifting anything, prefect’s honor.” Lily held up her fingers together.
              “Doesn’t that only work if you are actively a prefect?” Harry grinned. “And Remus and Sirius are here. Remus is pretty excited about something, wouldn’t tell me what though.” Harry muttered. Lily laughed.
              “Well, we had better go find out, I’m sure they’d like to see these old photos. Help me up?” She gave him a wide-eyed look. “I made the mistake of sitting.”
              Harry stood and helped Lily to her feet. She handed him the photos and he glanced through them.
              “Wow. You guys were so young.” He grinned.
              “We were, but you know…I just don’t feel like much has changed.” She laughed. “I think we’ll always be a little young at heart.”
 3)
              They found his diary under his bed.
              James looked at Sirius, who looked at James. The pair were silent for nearly a solid minute.
              “Well…I mean. That is probably the best source of information we’ll get.” James said in a hushed tone.
              “Yeah but…what if it’s booby trapped or something.” Sirius whispered back, staring at the leatherbound journal.
              “Do you really think it would be, after how many clues we had to follow to get it?” James frowned, looking down at the scrap of parchment in his fingers.
              It had started as an innocent enough adventure. Sirius and James had stumbled across an old classroom that hadn’t been used in a fear years while attempting to skirt past Filtch, had gone rummaging through a few desks, and had found what looked like a clue. That clue had led to another, and another, and over the course of three weeks, the pair had chased about the castle.
              Now they were looking at the fruits of their labors.
              “We should take it, before the seventh years get back from class.” Sirius decided, and reached out, snatching the journal from where it had landed with a dull thud from the hidden compartment under the bed.
              Nothing happened.
              James looked at Sirius. Sirius looked back at James.
              Then they both bolted.
              Once safely away from the dorm for the Gryffindor Seventh years, and back in their respective dorm, James shut the door and looked at the book held tightly in Sirius’ fingers. He bit his lower lip in apprehension. “I can’t believe it was that close the entire time.”
              “Me either.” Sirius whispered.
              “We should open it.” James muttered.
              “We should.” Sirius agreed.
                Dear Future Mischief Makers,
                             Hullo and Hullo. We see that you have located our legacy. Our treasure. Our most valuable and prized collection of brilliant ideas, as transposed to page in this book. It is with our greatest pleasure that we present you, O! most worthy seekers of the pranking arts, with a guide to the Prewett Way. A guide for all those who desire debauchery, jolly good chortling, or possible detention.
              We hope that this book, now in your very dedicated hands, provides aide to all your young mischievous way. Inside are the recipes to devastate your enemies, seek vengeance on your comrades, or just cause general chaos.
              With great power comes great responsibility and so on.
              Fabian and Gideon Prewett.
 4)
                The kiss reminded him of potions lessons in school, when if the right two ingredients were put together, they’d explode.
              Fabian clutched at the front of Caradoc’s robes, his heart hammering in his ribs like a bird trying to take flight. He was afraid to open his eyes. Afraid to step back, or look at Caradoc and see what his face was doing.
              And then a hand was cupping his cheek.
              This was no place to be kissing. In the forest, shrouded by darkness, illuminated by the silver of moonlight shifting across their skin. Somewhere out there, death eaters were waiting. Waiting for the chance to obliterate them. Fabian needed to leave, to let Caradoc go, but the idea seemed impossible.
              He pulled back enough to glance at Caradoc’s face. His eyes were closed. His profile was sharp and handsome a mix of shadow on shadow.
              “What took you so long.” He murmured at last, his voice a deep rumble in his chest.
              “Fear.” Fabian whispered. “Fear of losing you.”
              “You’ll never loose me.” Caradoc said quietly.
              Somewhere a mile or so to there left, shouting could be heard. Fabian’s pulse quickened, the heat of passion freezing solid in his veins. He was still afraid, but now for a very different reason.
              “You can’t stay here.” Caradoc’s tone was terse, fearful.
              “I’m not leaving you.” Fabian drew his wand. “I’m tried of standing on the sidelines while you and Gideon fight.”      
              Caradoc eyed him with a sort of warmth that made Fabian’s cheeks suffuse with red. He held his wand up.
              “Now, let’s get rid of these bloody bastards so I can strip that shirt of you.”
              It was Caradoc’s turn to blush. Even in the darkness, Fabian was gratified with the darkening of his already deeply tanned skin.
              “Easy now, Prewett. I don’t want your brother’s wand in my face.” He teased, his chuckle deep.
              “He’ll have to deal with it.” Fabian huffed.
              At that moment, a curse whizzed passed them and their words were cut off as three death eaters burst from the shadows.
              “Hand it over, Dearborn.” One voice said. Though the mask obscured his face, Fabian swore he knew it. He wasn’t sure from who, but the sneering tone was too familiar.
              “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Caradoc side idly. Fabian couldn’t believe how calm he sounded. Collected, unshaken. Fabian knew Caradoc was terrified, but now he could have been having a conversation about the weather.
              “The map. We knew you have it. Hand it over, or we will kill you.” The sneering voice said again.
              “I am under the impression that you will kill me either way.” Caradoc shrugged.
              There was silence, and then, without a moment more to think, the clearing lit up with spellfire.
 5)
              He opened the door to find her standing there, crying.
              “Lily?” James’ voice came out funny as he spoke. Lily startled and stumbled back into the desk. She tried to wipe her eyes, but it was no use, the tears just kept going, streaking her freckled cheeks.
              “Oh James-“ She choked.
              James had seen Lily in many situations, in many moods. He’d even seen her cry before. In all six years they’d been to school together he had seen her in a great many ways. This however, was different. Her sorrow was so intense he was sure he’d be able to reach out and run his fingers through it like water.
              “What’s happened?” He shut the classroom door behind him, reached out to her without thinking, touching her shoulder.
              “It’s Severus-“ She choked, not pulling away. “I know we don’t…we haven’t…I had no idea how bad it had gotten…”
              James wasn’t able to follow. He knew that since the Fight in fifth year when Snape had publicly humiliated Lily they hadn’t spoken much, but he had no idea what would upset her so terribly.
              “Lily…” James’ voice went low, gentle and steady. He pulled his folded kerchief to press gently under her eyes. He was still not sure how he hadn’t been given a black eye. “I’m not sure I’m following, but I’ll listen if you tell me.”
              “I can’t-“ She choked. “I can’t—I know you, James. I know what you’ll do. I can’t…I can’t let you do it-“
              “Lily, what has he done?” James’ tone went stern, firm. Lily looked at him with shinning, brimmed green eyes.
              “Promise me. Promise me you won’t run off and tell.” She whispered, her voice hoarse.
              James didn’t want to make that promise. He was sure whatever it was, he wouldn’t want to keep that promise. He then remembered all the times Lily had turned a blind eye for him and his friends. For Remus.
              “I promise.” James said, taking her hands in his. “I give you my word.”
              “The boy they found….the one all cut up who nearly died. It was Severus.” She whispered. She pulled a hand from James and brought for a book. A potions book. She opened it to a spell incantation.
              “I remember him working on spells, inventing them…but this.”
              James read the description, the outcome. It was identical to the attack. Lily choked on a sob.
              “I know I need to turn this over, James. I know. I…he’ll be expelled. I know I should hate him but I-“
              James looked at Lily, then took the book. He hurried to the back of the classroom and opened one of the least attended cupboards and hid the book deeply within, behind stacks of musty, dusted covers. He shut the cupboard and looked to lily a little wildly, his heart pounding.
              “I gave you my word. If you decide to report it, I’ll support you, go with you…but…” James knew they were covering something terrible, but he understood. He wasn’t sure how, but he got what Lily was so torn about.
              As much as he hated Snape, he had been Lily’s friend since childhood.
              He couldn’t imagine what all of this was doing to her.
              “Thank you.” She whispered to him, and then fled the room.
 6)  Broken Angel – Boyce Avenue
 Remus pressed his fingers to the glass. The freezing cold pierced his fingertips as he did, the frost melting under his heat. He wanted to put his fist through the glass. Feel it rip his skin open like his memories were ripping out his heart.
The silence of the flat sprawled out behind him. The single worn table, the bed in the corner. The dust in the sills.
It didn’t matter how much time passed. It didn’t matter how hard he tried to forget, to move on, he couldn’t seem to.
Remus pressed his palm flat against the glass and let the shockwave of freezing cold rattle his wrist up into his elbow. He wondered if this was how it felt to be always surrounded by dementors. He wondered if Sirius, in Azkaban remembered anything about him.
Even ten years later, Remus wasn’t sure he believed what Dumbledore had told him in that single letter. He had been there as Sirius walked out the door that night.
‘I’m worried about James and Lily. I want to go check on them.’
“Why.” Remus whispered. “Why, Sirius? Why weren’t you honest with me…”
Remus didn’t know what he was meant to believe anymore. Nothing seemed right.
He pulled away from the window and turned to face his flat. Maybe he needed to demand answers. He’d tried before, but maybe…maybe he would go to the Potter house. In all the ten years he’d been wandering, he’d never been there.
Maybe it was time.
  7)
              The entrance to the tunnel was his only way out.
              Remus glanced up at it and sighed. He wondered just how many of these dead secret passageways there were. So far he and Sirius had stumbled across a good number and he was sorely tired of getting stuck in them.
              “You okay, Moony!” Sirius’ voice echoed down to him. “That sounded painful.”
              “Oh, I’m fine-bugger-“ Remus wriggled around to get himself to a standing position in the narrow space. He ran his fingers over the wall behind him. Odd. It didn’t feel like rock or dirt. “Sirius, there’s something down here. A door, I think.”
              “Is there room for me?” Sirius stuck his head into the hole, his face shadowed and the light from above like a halo around him.
              “No! Hang on-“ Remus managed to tug out his wand in the cramped space and he held it up barely three inches from his nose. “Lumos!”
              The light nearly blinded him as he filled the small space. Sure enough, there was a door. Though how on earth he was meant to open it was beyond him. It certainly couldn’t swing backward, even if he wasn’t in the way. There was no room at all. He also didn’t see a handle, or a keyhole of any kind.
              “There’s a great bloody door down here!” Remus called up to Sirius. He turned the light and saw now the footholds to get out. “I don’t think I can open it.”
              “What’s on the door!” Sirius called back down.
              Remus scowled. It was hard to look at something nearly four inches from his face. He looked it up and down. There were patterns carved into the metal. Old and carefully done. Remus traced a finger along them and then blinked. “It’s a phoenix.” He said, but not loud enough for Sirius to hear. He stuffed his wand and turned to the handholds.
              When he popped out, Sirius was looking at him excitedly. “It’s an etching of a phoenix on the door. Reckon we’ll need a phoenix feather to get in.” He looked at Sirius, the energy of him illuminated against the sunlight of Spring. March had the air fragrant and warm.
              “Well, we do know who has one of those.” Sirius smirked and Remus shook his head.
              “No. We aren’t doing that. I don’t know what is behind that door, but I’d wager it’s nothing we need on a map. Especially with how old the door looked.”
              “You’re no fun.” Sirius snorted, but dropped the hatch that had been buried for who knows how long before they’d unearthed it.
 8)
              As he fell, he waited for the world to shatter.
              His knees hit the floor, the wood crashing into skin, crashing into bone. Sound ceased in his ears. He knew somewhere above him, somewhere in the distance Gideon was talking to him. He felt the hands on his shoulders, someone trying to get his attention.
              His eyes were on the ring in his hands, pressed to his palm, searing into his skin.
              The ring that matched the one on his own fingers.
              “Fabian-“ Gideon’s voice wavered in and out. “Give this to you—died a hero—I’m sorry—”
              Fabian had never felt time stand still. He’d read it in metaphor, heard it spoken in moments so grand that you wanted them forever, but never had he experienced it until now.
              Fabian’s world was still. His heart couldn’t beat. His breath couldn’t come. His ears were ringing, his eyes were burning. The moment hung in suspension.
              He drug in a breath, and everything sped up. The scream that ripped out of his throat tore open the earth and swallowed him whole. He crumpled, bent double on the floor as he clutched the ring to his chest. Clutched the only thing that kept him from falling to pieces, bursting apart. Each sob that wracked him tore open his heart again and again. Gideon’s hands on his shoulders did nothing. Gideon’s arms around him were foreign.
              “No-“ He choked out. “No-no—no—” He shoved at Gideon, looking at him with a face so streaked with tears, framed by his crudely shorn hair, buttery curls now tangled from his fingers digging at them. He was the picture of desperate grief.
              “You’re lying.” He choked.
              “Fabian-“
              “You’re lying! Tell me you are lying! Tell me!” He screamed, punching at Gideon, kicking.
              “Fabian, I am so sorry-“  Gideon grappled with Fabian, clutching him. “I’m so sorry-“
              Gideon’s expression broke. Tears filled his eyes and Fabian felt the would lurch. He dissolved into tears against Gideon’s chest.
              I’m so sorry, Fabian.
 9)
              He sat her down, and held her close, before telling her the terrible news. He ran his fingers through her beautiful red hair, kissing her temple.
              “They didn’t have the yellow paint.” He said solemnly.
              Lily pulled back, eyeing James squarely. “Are you serious?”
              “Well no, if he were here though, he’d probably muddy the carpet-“
              “James!” Lily rolled her eyes and punched his arm. “We need to get this nursery painted! How are they still out of the Buttercream color?” Lily crossed her arms with a huff, though the effort was disrupted by the large ball of a belly under her over-sized t-shirt. His oversized t-shirt. He thought fondly, she does look rather magnificent, all red and glowing and irritated.
              “Remus had a suggestion though, so. I am kicking you out.” James grinned.
              “What?” Lily gawked at him.
              “Remus will be here in ten minutes to get you. He’s taking you shopping in town, and I am taking over.”
              James stood and pulled Lily to her feet.
              “James—James no. I will not let you just—this isn’t time for jokes-“ Lily tried to wriggle away.
              James stopped, taking her cheeks between her palms and mushing them together so her lips puckered and he kissed them. “Shush.”
              Remus arrived to a helpless shrug from Lily, and he chuckled. He winked at James conspiratorially as they headed out the door.
              Ten minutes after they were out the door, Padfoot came through it, paint gear in hands. “Alright Prongs! My Good man, we have a Godson to prepare for!” He declared, and tromped off for the nursery.
                Lily sighed. “James Potter. Is the bandana really needed?” Lily groped out, blind from the fabric over her eyes, as James led her to the room.
              “Oh yes. Are you ready, Evans?” He chuckled. Holding her shoulders gently and kissing the top of her head.
              “Yes yes—take this off me—”
              James did.
              Lily opened her eyes and just stared. The room was painted Lavender. There were pawprints in a trail around the wall just above the baseboard. The bassinette was set up in the corner, and over the top painted in white against the lavender was a doe, a stag and a fawn. Beautiful black silhouette trees framed them and the doors to the closet. The changing table had a wolf and a dog done in white surrounded by the same trees.
              “Oh James.” She breathed. “It’s beautiful.”
              “Sorry it’s not yellow.” He grinned.
              Lily turned and tugged him into a kiss.
              “I think I’ll live.”
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wonderfuls-worlds · 7 years ago
Text
Mystic Messenger : Day 9 ~ V Walkthrough (FULL ANSWERS)
I worked all alone - I cheked each answers ~ Please be considerate.
Like, reblog, or do nothing, but please don’t copy/paste it and claim it as your own… I am on my own and spent a lot of time to do this.
If you are on phone, please setting the page to be seen in the computer version! On the phone, the answers are sometimes unaligned and it can confuse you…
In order to not bother and annoy my followers who don’t play this game by this looong post, I’ll put a seperate line. Click to see.
- Don't be aggressive and insulting and stuff like that (oh you might get upset in the VN when you are with V and Vanderwood though XD) - Don’t act like you possess V
- Game branches at the end
00 :56 : Seduction of the Moon [Rika]
 I don’t want to think about that. (V…)
Feels very afar… (V)
Something disastrous will happen if you can’t control the darkness within you, Rika. (V)
What are you up to now? (V)
Of course. V will be with me from now on.  (V…)
I think it was a realization essential for V. It’s not something that derived from fear. It’s something that he needed for himself. (V)
That’s more natural to me (V)
I’m not on any side. (nothing)
Whichever it is… I don’t care. AS long as V comes to me. (V…)
I am a little afraid, but it’s something that I want. (V)
I strongly believe I should be nice because of my fear. (Unknown…)
I’m not afraid of anything. Because my true nature is closer to the light. (V…)
I want to prove that the good will prevail in the end. (V)
I…want to grow by agonizing and feeling those kinds of thing. (V…)
I…actually want to be free. (Unknown)
It seems you’re using fear but have an ideal completely opposite from it. (V)
Idyllic… I understand what you mean. (Unknown)
Sounds unrealistic to me. (V…)
I’ll…choose the RFA. (V)
Mint Eye may be right for me… (Unknown)
I’m confused! (nothing)
I’ll… wait for the sun. (V)
Are you going to awaken me? (Unknown)
Rika, you should let the sun be! (V…)
 Visual Novel 707 : no choices
YOU can call V
 02:43 : I Can Make You Have More Fun [Unknown]
 You’re new, aren’t you? (nothing)
Ray…? (Unknown)
Is Ray okay? (Unknown)
Sleeping? What do you mean? (nothing)
Do you tend to sleep a lot? (nothing)
Why did you wake up now? (nothing)
Get rid of him!? (Unknown)
I don’t like Ray’s indecisiveness as well. (Unknown…)
You … seem dangerous. (V)
How are you going to do that? (Unknown…)
Give me back Ray. (Unknown)
No thanks. (V)
I’m curious about you. (Unknown)
I’m not going back ! (V)
Please leave us and  V alone.. (V)
Will we be together if we start from the beginning? (Unknown)
There’s no way that’s going to happen…? (V)
…. (nothing)
 Visual Novel 707 : no choices
 06:21 : Stop It [V]
 Why did you come in here ? (nothing)
How are you feeling ? (V)
I know, right ? You don’t think you can do anything without me, can you ? (V…)
I’m okay! You don’t have to be sorry! (V)
I’m sure the others are doing well! (nothing)
The harder it is, the better outcomes it should come to… (nothing)
Merely hiding things wasn’t the answer… But you can change that from now on. (V – feels like it’s the best ans)
It must have been tough for you too, V. You can rely on me… (V)
Wouldn’t Rika feel the same guilt ? Rika used to do a lot of good things before… (V)
I think you’re the only one getting hurt because of Rika. (V…)
Stop trying to sacrifice yourself, V! That’s not good to Rika as well. (V)
Are you planning to leave me ? Don’t say such a thing ! (V…)
Don’t betray me….! (V…)
I want you to treasure yourself more. V, you’re a precious person to me as well. (V)
Why don’t you just say it straight that you like Rika more than me ? (V…)
If that makes you feel relieved… then do as you wish. (nothing)
Then what about the people who care for you, V? Stop saying such irresponsible things and get a grip! (V)
V, please… (nothing)
V… if you go I’ll be disappointed… (nothing)
V, is there no way for you and me to be happy? (V)
V, isf you want everyone to be hapy, you have to sop pampering Rika. (V…)
Aren’t you sick and tired of living your life for someone else ? The two of us can be happy! (V…)
Thinking of others is great, but you should relaly think about yourself, V ! (V)
That boy…? (nothing)
 Visual Novel V
 (no hearts given)
V, how are you feeling?
V? What were you going?
It’s alright. You’re good enough just the way you are.
Once this passes, only happiness will await you. Happiness with me.
I’m so jealous of Rika… You love her this much.
There goes your habit again. You’re trying to handle everything by yourself-.
There’s nothing but that you shouldn’t have started. Back then you only had innocent intention… You only wished to..
It’s not your fault, V. Who would’ve thought that Rika was such an evil person?
You’re not a monster, V§ You’re just… you’ve experienced tragically sad love. That’s all.
I don’t care if you hurt me. I want to be yours.
If it’s complicated, just embrace the way it is.. I’m here for you.
You can find your hue from now on. You can start discovering yourself from the beginning.
Please don’t go. Stay. Stay and find a new path.
I’ll come with you. I don’t want to let you go alone.
You don’t have to do this alone. We can work together.
 09:04 : Third Person Perspective [Vanderwood]
 Seven?? (nothing)
A hacker! There’s a hacker here ! (nothing)
Seven!!! Vanderwood is using your phone!! (707)
Are you fiddling with Seven’s phone? (nothing)
What’s wrong with the design of our app? (707)
Oh… the design’s like this because it was hacked. (V)
It is a test lol Let’s talk nonsense ! (Unknown)
No. No at test… but Vanderwood, the hacker can see the messages you write here. (V)
Say something ! Anything! (nothing)
Does the camera work ? (nothing )
It’s reeking with tiredness.; (V)
In truth… I think you’re good-looking. (nothing)
Who’s the call from? (nothing but gosh, take this one if you want to laugh)
Why isn’t e answering them? (nothing)
He probably thinks of his life dearly… (nothing)
Isn’t there something you wanted to say to 707? This is your chance. (nothing)
It seems like a series of distress… I joined because it was a group doing good deeds… (V)
Now I have no idea where this party is heading either.. (707)
He was always like that. (707)
He’s sacrificing to protect everyone. (V)
Maybe he likes the RFA that much…. (nothing)
He codes with his toes… ? (nothing)
Hereditary, maybe…? (nothing)
Why? You like it? (nothing)
Allow me thank you in his place ^^ ;V had many difficult things going on. (V)
You’re very good at cleaning. I’ll compliment you on that. (707)
I thought you were avoiding us. (nothing)
Don’t you want to join our association ? (nothing)
Yes We will soon start our relationship. (V..)
I think our relationship is somewhat ambiguous… (nothing)
…It might not be the time yet… But you never know about the future, right?  (V)
So that’s how you give a legitimate excuse for being single… (nothing)
What are you saying? (nothing)
Is there something gwrong with Seven? (nothing)
But this is the exceptional situation ! Exceptional! (V)
What’s wrong with Seven’s impression…? (nothing)
How is that job from Seven going? (707)
I think I t’ll be a good idea to give up for the sake of eyes… (nothing)
What kind of photos are you comparing ? (nothing)
Seven is safe, right? (707)
What other jobs do you do other than keeping watch on him, Vanderwood?  (nothing)
He wouldn’t be angry, would he? (nothing)
Run run run-(nothing)
 Visual Novel 707 : no choices
12:07 : Rika’s Feelings [Rika]
 He wants to protect everyone. (V)
He’s trying to do everything he can to stop you, Rika. (V…)
That’s not completely wrong… (nothing)
Don’t belittle yourself that much… (nothing)
Do you have to prove yourself like that? (nothing)
The idea that someone will save me is just a fantasy. (nothing)
Rika, you have a lot of people around you. Why do you feel lonely? (V)
It may be love to you, Rika, but… it might have been obsession to V. (V…)
You two are people with completely different ideas. (V)
Then you should let go of V now. (V…)
You’re only using them. (nothing)
Then take your hands off the RFA and V. (nothing)
Rika, will you be satisfied when you make the whole RFA fall into darkness? (nothing)
That’s even scarier… (nothing)
They will not want to be healed. (nothing)
Rika, how much do you know about RFA ? (nothing)
Rika, that’s really dangerous… I can see why V is trying tostopyou by himself. (nothing)
Even without you, Rika… they will find ways themselves. (nothing)
At least V is a leader with a warm heart… (nothing)
Are you saying you’re different?
If it slips to one side, that’s called obsession. It’s obsession for you as well. (nothing)
Rika, you’re also using others to prove yourself. (nothing)
 Visual Novel V
 (no hearts given – hey whenever you explode, Vanderwood is impressed and agrees XD)
V please calm down… It’s too dangerous to go there by yourself.
You’re not even doing well! Stop being so stubborn.
V, you’re so stubborn.
Please, stop being obsessed with Rika.
Are you sure you’re okay with that, V?
You tried to embrace it.
V… can’t you take courage and let us all work this out together?
So what is your real answer?
Is that the reason why you live on?
Enough with your obsession with Rika! You should treasure yourself some more !
You think like that? That’s an obsession, not an in idea. No more obsession!
You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for Rika. You’re already priceless to me.
You already have the courage to put an end to your obsession. Its already inside you, and I’m sure you find it.
Of course, as long as you love yourself.
Choose what you think is right.
 14:11 : Reason Trying to Stop Her [707]
 He just fell asleep… Rika and V’s relationship is extremely complicated. (nothing)
Yes…He’s asleep. Seven… Did you see what Rika wrote? (nothing)
Isn’t saying beyond repair kind of harsh…? (nothing)
Yes, Rika is now like a bomb; (nothing)
Who is the word would believe in Rika’s words? (V..)
Then you’re saying that if Rika can take RFA to the Mint Eye is she wants to? (V)
But I think lying that she committed suicide was too much. (V…)
I can’t imagine what V would have gone through… It breaks my heart. (V)
Since when did Rika change like this…? (nothing)
The reason why Rika could act so violently was because V’s love was too idea… (nothing)
I think he’ll eventually follow Rika (nothing)
Yoosung… will be in a mental catastrophe (nothing)
V seems to want to to Rika. (V…)
Yes, of course. (V)
You weren’t interested, were you ? (nothing)
She might have hidden her dual side very well… (nothing)
Would there be someone like that? (nothing)
You can see that, Seven ? (nothing)
That’s… sad… (nothing)
Is there no way to change her mind back ? (nothing)
Alright… (nothing)
See you, Seven. (nothing)
 Visual Novel : no choices
 16:39 : You Change Me [V]
 Why do you keep coming into the chatroom? (nothing)
I’ll hate you for the rest of my life if you disappear without a word… I’ll hate you more than Rika! (nothing)
We should be happy soon… Throw away your lingering feelings for Rika! (V…)
If you know I’m having a difficult time, hurry up and recover ! Let’s think this positively! (V)
No… She’ll probably keep doing what she wants. (V)
She might stop if you leave Rika dead on. (V…)
I don’t mind sufferinf, as long as my words have reached you, V… (V)
Stop staying that, and rather, how about trying to forget Rika?  (V…)
Then there’s one more reason why you shouldn’t go… (nothing)
You know that’s not the way to save Rika, don’t you? (nothing)
We can fill that in together. We have time a head of us. So don’t leave. (V)
I’m different from Rika… You don’t have to be scared. (V��)
What are you going to do after meeting her? (nothing)
You’re going to sacrifice yourself by meeting her? You know that’s not the answer. (V)
… So are you really going to go? Putting everyone behind you..? (nothing)
If you go to Rika, it means I won’t be able to see you again, V… (nothing)
You can start again. Even love and at… Please listen to me. (V)
In whatever shape it is, we will be happy soon, as long as Rika is taken care of ! (V…)
So, now I’m more influential to you than Rika, right? (V…)
V, you change is… entirely up to you. I told you to think of yourself first! (V)
  Visual Novel V : no choices
 18:35 : Seven’s Persuasion [707, Ray]
 Return “Jumin cat” (Jumin)
What are you doing? (nothing)
Did you come in to interfere us? (nothing)
Ray…! (nothing)
Seven, is Ray baffled because we’ve won? (707)
Ray, calm down.. (Unknown)
He’s right, Ray.. You should rather go with Seven. (707)
Ray… Any plans on shifting over to the RFA? (nothing)
Ray… You should let go of us now. (V)
Why are you so afraid of losing? (nothing)
You have a brother? (nothing)
Don’t trust Rika too much… (nothing)
Did you eat something wrong? (nothing)
Are you in pain again…? (Unknown)
Seven, you seem to be very interested in that hacker. (nothing)
Do you think you know him, Seven? (nothing)
I hope V can endure to the last moment… (V)
Good luck till the end! (707)
  20:12 : Winner Seven !!! [707]
 Heart-beating faster? (nothing)
Can we now get rid of the Mint Eye? (V..)
Hmm? Did something change?? (nothing)
Hmm. It’s still the same background as before (nothing)
Wow!!!! (nothing)
Is the security system back? (nothing)
Why aren’t the others coming in? (nothing)
Are we safe now? (nothing)
Would V want to go to the hospital? (nothing)
Yes! Can we now move V to a safer place? (V)
I wonder what Ray’s real identity is… (Unknown)
Will Ray not attack again…? (nothing
Take him to the agency. (nothing)
Wouldn’t it be more transparent by receiving the law’s orders? (nothing)
I want to share this emotional moment with V…(V)
Let’s celebrate the recovery of our messenger! (nothing)
I want to see the messenger buzzing again with everyone logged on. (V and 707)
Can the RFA members come into the messenger now? (nothing)
What is it?! (nothing)
Then make them exit the room and add the RFA members. (nothing)
Wasn’t it all recovered?  (nothing)
If the members login, can they read the messages Rika and the hacker wrote…? (nothing)
This will be the last, won’t it? (nothing)
Good luck ! (nothing)
 Ps : you can call V after this chat, he will answer (and for once, it’s not depressing about decision and Rika and stuff, it’s a very nice talk, I was smiling haha
 21:49 : I missed you all [Rika]
 Rika, soon you won’t be able to log in anymore. (nothing)
The meessenger’s security system has been recovered, Rika. (nothing)
Mistake? (nothing)
What do you want? (nothing)
Are you planning to talk the RFA members here? (nothing)
We did. ButSeven would have blocked it. (nothing)
It’d be better for them not to see. (nothing)
What kind of text? (nothing)
Quit if you’re trying to seduce them to join the Mint Eye. (nothing)
That’s a lie… What trip? (nothing)
I hope everyone believes your words, Rika. (nothing)
For making V like that? (V)
For being absent for the past 6 months? (nothing)
You do know…that your words can confused him, don’t you? (nothing)
You don’t even plan to do that… (nothing)
You know very well about V’s father when you don’t really talk about your parents. (nothing)
Are you planning to say hello to every member like this? (nothing but omg that answer XD)
Rika, your attitude is very double-sided. (V)
…. (nothing)
Rika…what is it that you really want? (nothing)
Yes, the three of us should get together. I’ll reveal what kind of person you are, Rika! (V…)
I don’t plan to… Rika, stop being like that in front of me… (V)
Keep away from V and the RFA! It’s really sick and tiring! (V…)
If it were possible, he would have… (V)
The RFA won’t be able to read what you’ve written. (nothing)
It’s now getting pitiful….. (nothing)
One last thing…? (nothing)
 Ps ; you can call 707, he will answer
Game branch here : I’ll write the good ending
 Visual Novel
There are choices but you can choose like you want 😉
23:24 : V has been stabbed ! [Ray, 707, Zen, Yoosung]
 I have nothing to say to you now, Ray. (nothing)
Ray, we might get to see each other soon ! (nothing)
…….. (nothing)
Ray? (nothing)
Then… about the texts Rika wrote…the others can see it as well, right…? (nothing)
Wouldn’t Rika and the hacker participate in our chats? (nothing)
Why don’t we first take V to the hospital and contact the others later? (nothing)
Can the others come in now? (nothing)
Yes. I’m innocent ! (nothing)
That’s not what’s important right now! Get V to the hospital first ! (V)
V’s here as well ! (V)
Zen, call the others ! (nothing)
Yes, I’ll keep him awake! (V)
Should try pinching him? (nothing)
I don’t feel good since V’s hurt. (nothing)
I’m okay. So is Seven. V’s the only one hurt badly.  (nothing)
I have to look over V so it’ll be difficult for me to tell you in detail; (nothing)
It’s a long story… You should go read it yourself. (nothing)
Did you read the messages Rika left? (nothing)
Yoosung, V has been hurt ! (nothing)
Of course that’s a lie. Rika was the one who attacked the RFA messenger unsing the Mint Eye. (V)
It was between the two of them… Some of it might be true. (V)
Yes. Seven sait he recovered it all. (707)
Everything’s been done but he couldn’t kick out Rika and the hacker. (nothing)
Yoosung, you don’t trust Rika anymore as well, right? (nothing)
Do you want me to find proof or something? (nothing but I took this one, I clearly preferred this one haha)
It’s frustrating that you’re in denial even when the situation says it all. (V)
Make up your mind after listening to both side of the story, after V recovers. (V – best answer)
Having a party when someone’s life is in danger is a bit… (Zen)
Yoosung, you’re trying to look after RFA in your own way…aren’t you ? (Yoosung)
Leave V to me and you two should contact the other members ! (onthing)
Don’t worry. V will be okay. He’s strong! (V)
I’m relieaved as well to see the members doing fine. (nothing)
I’m okay… But I’m worried about V…  (nothing)
Visual Novel
Day 10 | V is here
154 notes · View notes
ts1989fanatic · 7 years ago
Text
All 115 of Taylor Swift's Songs, Ranked
From teenage country tracks to synth-pop anthems and little-known covers, a comprehensive assessment and celebration of Swift's one-of-a-kind songbook
Taylor Swift the celebrity is such a magnet for attention, she can distract from Taylor Swift the artist. But Swift was a songwriter before she was a star, and she'll be a songwriter long after she graduates from that racket. It's in her music where she's made her mark on history – as a performer, record-crafter, guitar hero and all-around pop mastermind, with songs that can leave you breathless, or with a nasty scar. She was soaring on the level of the all-time greats before she was old enough to rent a car, with the crafty guile of a Carole King and the reckless heart of a Paul Westerberg – and she hasn't exactly slowed down since then.
So with all due respect to Taylor the myth, the icon, the red-carpet tabloid staple, let's celebrate the realTaylor – the songwriter she was born to be. Let's break it down: all 115 tunes, counted from the bottom to the top. The hits, the flops, the deep cuts, the covers, from her raw 2006 debut as a teen country ingénue to "...Ready for It?" – her latest offering. Every fan would compile a different list – that's the beauty of it. But they're not ranked by popularity, sales or supposed celebrity quotient – just the level of Taylor genius on display, from the perspective of a fan who generally does not give a rat's nads who the songs are "really" about. All that matters is whether they're about you and me. (I guarantee you are a more fascinating human than the Twilight guy, though I'm probably not.)
Sister Tay may be the last true rock star on the planet, making brilliant moves (or catastrophic gaffes, because that's what rock stars do). These are the songs that sum up her wit, her empathy, her flair for emotional excess, her girls-to-the-front bravado, her urge to ransack every corner of pop history, her determination to turn any chorus into a ridiculous spectacle. So let's step back from the image and pay homage to her one-of-a-kind songbook – because the weirdest and most fascinating thing about Taylor Swift will always be her music.
115. "Bad Blood" (2014)
Melodically parched, lyrically unfinished, rhythmically clunky – this was a mighty strange pick for a single from an album as loaded as 1989. There are a million things Taylor has in common with Paul McCartney – one is that celebrity grievances tend to sound like a penny-ante waste of their time, even when they're totally understandable (unless you're a fan of Macca's "Dear Boy," where John Lennon is his Katy Perry). The single remix is improved by Kendrick Lamar – but he wasn't saving his A-game for this one.
Best line: "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes."
114. "Santa Baby" (2007)
Yes, she made a Christmas album, which is full of contenders for the basement of this list. But an oldie about a gold digger wooing Little Saint Nick was perhaps a dubious pick for a singer still in her teens.
Best line: "I've been an awful good girl."
113. "A Place in This World" (2006)
Apprentice work from the debut, when she was still learning the ropes as a country songwriter. Yet, the seeds of greatness are already there. Historical significance: This was the song where Tay discovered rain imagery, which in her hands was the equivalent of Sir Isaac Newton inventing calculus.
Best line: "I'll be strong/I'll be wrong/But life goes on."
112. "Christmas Must Be Something More" (2007)
A hymn about how Jesus is the reason for the season, with the hook, "So here's to the birthday boy who saved our lives." Unlike most boys Swift sings about, Jesus didn't comment publicly.
Best line: "What would happen if God never let it snow?"
111. "I'm Only Me When I'm With You" (2006)
Could there be a less Swiftian sentiment? For better or worse, this girl is always herself. That's kinda the point.
Best line: "I'm only up when you're not down/Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground."
110. "Two Is Better Than One" With Boys Like Girls (2009)
A long, long, very long duet with former Good Charlotte and Fall Out Boy tourmates Boys Like Girls, who are either from London or Nashville (they seem to switch accents at random).
Best line: "You already got me coming…undone."
109. "Out of the Woods" (2014)
Taylor loves to sing about boyfriends who are terrible drivers, but this guy takes the prize – he crashes her snowmobile and gets 20 stitches in the hospital. Call a cab, girl.
Best line: "Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying."
108. "Silent Night" (2007)
This bizarre version manages to miss almost every single note in the melody. They sure were in a rush to get this Christmas album out.
Best line: "Shepherds quake at the sight."
107. "Both of Us" With B.o.B (2012)
Nice try at remaking "Airplanes," but that Hayley Williams lightning does not strike twice.
Best line: "Your money's all gone, and you lose your whip."
106. "The Last Time" With Gary Lightbody (2012)
Her duet with the guy from Snow Patrol. Unfortunately, their voices don't mesh at all – what, is he auditioning for a Spandau Ballet tribute band? The funny moment is the très Eighties synth-horn blurp at the three-minute mark.
Best line: "This is the last time I'm asking you this/Put my name at the top of your list."
105. "The Outside" (2006)
Still a rookie, still learning, still trying to get away with "read between the lines" and "the road less traveled by" in the same verse.
Best line: "Nothing ever works the first few times/Am I right?"
104. "Girl at Home" (2012)
A perfunctory cheating-is-bad homily, with barely any chorus.
Best line: "I feel a responsibility/To do what's upstanding and right."
103. "Come in With the Rain" (2008)
She leaves her window open overnight, just in case her ex falls out of a cloud. There's a great "oooh" in the second chorus – one of those moments you can tell she's an Oasis fan. (This song makes you suspect "Don't Look Back In Anger" is a fave.)
Best line: "I could stand up and write you a song/But I don't wanna have to go that far."
102. "Half of My Heart" With John Mayer (2009)
The real prize from his Battle Studies album is "Heartbreak Warfare"; this is lesser J.M., with an underexploited T.S. cameo and an increasingly irritating premise of hearts having fingers, which they don't. No wonder the girl in the dress cried the whole way home.
Best line: "Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation."
101. "The Other Side of the Door" (2008)
Again with the slamming doors. Tay Tay – even the great songwriters can get away with exactly one slamming door per career. And just to be on the safe side, she throws in pouring rain, photo albums, a little black dress (which rhymes with "mess" and "confess"), a guy throwing pebbles at her window….In other words, this would be the ultimate Swift song – except there are a hundred better ones.
Best line: "Me and my stupid pride, sitting here alone/Going through the photographs, staring at the phone."
100. "Superman" (2010)
A Lois Lane fantasy, left off Speak Now for good reason.
Best line: "Tall dark and beautiful/He's complicated, he's so irrational."
99. "Cold as You" (2006)
"I start a fight because I need to feel something" – give her credit for honesty, even in this raw phase.
Best line: "Oh, every smile you fake is so condescending."
98. "If This Was a Movie" (2010)
"Good evening, sir. May I help you? You're a guy in a Taylor Swift song who wants to stand outside the window in the pouring rain, begging the love of your life to forgive your sorry ass? Take a number and get in line. No, that line."
Best line: "But I take it all back now!"
97. "Sweeter Than Fiction" (2013)
A warm-up for the synth-pop of 1989, from the One Chancesoundtrack.
Best line: "What a sight when the light came on."
96. "A Perfectly Good Heart" (2006)
"It's not unbroken anymore"? Paging the eminent cardiologist Dr. Toni Braxton.
Best line: "Why would you wanna make the very first scar?/Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?"
95. "White Christmas" (2007)
Unlike "Silent Night," this was a yuletide carol she could handle, with a straight-down-the-middle country rendition.
Best line: "Where the treetops glisten."
94. "Never Grow Up" (2010)
A folksy fingerpicking change of pace on Speak Now, pining for childhood innocence – though it feels more like a leftover from the debut.
Best line: "You're mortified your mom's dropping you off."
93. "I Don’t Wanna Live Forever" With Zayn Malik (2016)
Neither she nor Zayn sound deeply interested in this dueling-falsettos battle from the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack. Maybe it works in the movie, but who wants to go find out? Really, they sound like two ghosts standing in the place of…sorry, sore subject, let's drop it.
Best line: "I've been feeling sad in all the nicest places."
92. "You Are in Love" (2014)
One of her through-the-years romances, this one featuring a snow globe.
Best line: "For once you let go of your fears and your ghosts."
91. "Mary's Song (Oh My My)" (2006)
Another through-the-years romance, but with a sweet homespun touch.
Best line: "I'll be 87, you'll be 89/I'll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky."
90. "Highway Don't Care" With Tim McGraw and Keith Urban (2013)
A duet from McGraw's album Two Lanes of Freedom, with a guitar solo from Keith Urban. The plot: His ex is driving away, listening to a Taylor song on the radio, as Tay tries to coax the woman into turning the car around and going home. Perhaps McGraw's finest duet since his great lost Nelly jam, "Over & Over."
Best line: "I bet you're bending God's ear talking 'bout me."
89. "Change" (2008)
Oh, the fall of 2008 – Chuck and Blair were still an item, Suede was killing it on Project Runway, and "Change" was a de facto victory song for Obama, complete with a thumbs-up for "the revolution." Yeah, those were different times.
Best line: "These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down."
88. "Nashville" (2010)
A cover of an obscurity by country singer David Mead, tucked away as a bonus on the Target edition of the Speak Now Tour Live DVD.
Best line: "Was that a blood or wine stain on your wedding dress?"
87. "The Sweet Escape" (2010)
From the same live DVD, a remake of the Gwen Stefani solo hit. Taylor's vocal sure fits the Gwen just-a-girl sensibility.
Best line: "I must apologize for acting stank."
86. "Look What You Made Me Do" (2017)
The reason fans once cared about rap beefs: They inspired great songs, whether it was Queens vs. the Bronx ("The Bridge" vs. "The Bridge Is Over" vs. "Have a Nice Day") or LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee ("How Ya Like Me Now" vs. "Jack the Ripper" vs. "Let's Go" vs. "To Da Break of Dawn"). But this just sounds like a trivial time-waster by her standards – Swift's celebrity feuds are not really one of the hundred most interesting things about her. The main attraction here is the retro Panic! at the Disco vibe. Here's hoping it gets outshined by the rest of Reputation, the way "Shake It Off" was instantly eclipsed by the rest of 1989.
Best line: "It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality." Oh wait – that actually is Panic! at the Disco.
85. "Stay Beautiful" (2006)
An early stab at a take-the-high-road breakup song.
Best line: "He whispers songs into my window."
84. "I Want You Back" (2010)
A live acoustic tribute to the then-recently departed Michael Jackson, with a bit of Motown tremble in her voice.
Best line: "Now it's much too late for me to take a second look."
83. "The Way I Loved You" (2008)
She meets a low-stress boy who doesn't want love to be torture. Alas, this suitor is toast, because he reminds her how much she misses the manic pixie drama vampire she dated before. Sorry, dude – she loves the players, and she loves the game.
Best line: "He respects my space/And never makes me wait."
82. "Thug Story" With T-Pain (2009)
The classic T-Pain and Taylor duet from the 2009 CMT Awards, still T-Swizzle's finest rap performance.
Best line: "No, I never really been in a club/Still live with my parents, but I'm still a thug/I'm so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night/You out clubbing, but I just made caramel delight."
81. "I Wish You Would" (2014)
One of her many, many songs set at 2 a.m. – clearly the most inspiring hour on Swift Standard Time – with a staccato disco guitar lick.
Best line: "We were a crooked love in a straight line down."
80. "Umbrella" (2008)
The Rihanna hit, briefly covered on the Live in SoHo digital album. Her finest Ri tribute remains her 2011 version of "Live Your Life" with T.I. onstage in Atlanta – sadly unreleased, but a duet that deserves to be enshrined for the ages.
Best line: "Stand under my umbrella, ella, ella."
79. "I Heart ?" (2008)
The trad country sound she soon left behind, from her Beautiful EyesEP.
Best line: "Wake up, and smell the breakup/Fix my heart, put on my makeup."
78. "Breathe" (With Colbie Caillat) (2008)
A gorgeous duet full of low-key nuances – her humming after the first verse, that "sorry, sorry, sorry" fade, the way Colbie's voice lifts hers.
Best line: "It's tragedy, and it'll only bring you down."
77. "The Moment I Knew" (2012)
A somber piano ballad about getting stood up on your 21st birthday.
Best line: "There in the bathroom/I try not to fall apart."
76. "Untouchable" (2008)
A rare case where she retools somebody else's song on one of her proper albums – the all-but-unknown Y2K-era rock band Luna Halo, who went on to open for Hoobastank. Her Fearless version sounds practically nothing like their original (though both name-check .38 Special's Eighties classic "Caught Up in You"). In fact, it's tough to fathom how she heard the original as raw material she could use – now that's ears.
Best line: "In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream/It's like a million little stars spelling out your name."
75. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" With Def Leppard (2008)
She makes a daring leap into the hair-metal mom market by teaming up with Def Leppard on CMT Crossroads, a move that works almost frighteningly well. Peak glam, especially when she asks the gender-torching question, "Demolition woman, can I be your man?"
Best line: "Do you take sugar? One lump or two?"
74. "Christmases When You Were Mine" (2007)
Taylor writes her own ace lovelorn holiday standard, ambushing her ex with one of those squirm-packed Merry-Christmas phone calls. Awkward question: "When you were putting up the lights this year/Did you notice one less pair of hands?" Eat your heart out, Mariah.
Best line: "I bet you got your mom another sweater."
73. "American Girl" (2009)
A bang-up claim on the Tom Petty classic – she used his original as her live entrance music for a while. Then she switched to Lenny Kravitz's "American Woman."
Best line: "Oh yeah! All right!"
72. "Invisible" (2006)
A teen ditty about a boy who doesn't realize she's alive, from pretty much the last moment in history that was possible. Clever pop-obsessive touch: The final steel-guitar twang echoes Elton John's "Rocket Man." If you think that's an accident…this is Planet Tay. There are no accidents.
Best line: "We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible."
71. "Jump Then Fall" (2008)
Ironclad rule of pop music: Songs about jumping are never a bad idea. Dig that "listens to Sublime once" vocal.
Best line: "I watch you talk, you didn't notice."
70. "Breathless" (2010)
Digging deep in the Nineties modern-rock crates, she does right by a previously obscure (to me) nugget from the New Orleans band Better Than Ezra – from 2005!, 10 years after their MTV hit! – as a charity benefit for the Hope for Haiti Now album.
Best line: "I'll never judge you/I can only love you."
69. "Superstar" (2008)
"You smile that beautiful smile, and all the girls in the front row scream your name." No relation to the 1970s Leon Russell ballad immortalized by the Carpenters – except they're both poignant ballads about groupies crushing on distant guitar boys. Well, as Journey warned, lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be.
Best line: "You sing me to sleep every night from the radio."
68. "Crazier" (2009)
Her ballad from Hannah Montana: The Movie, snagging her a cameo in the film. (But the highlight of the soundtrack will always be "Hoedown Throwdown.") This is where Taylor and Miley crossed light sabers – although they'd meet again. Great title, too – even Taylor might probably admit Miley had her beat in this department, at least until the "Blank Space" video.
Best line: "Every sky was your own kind of blue."
67. "Innocent" (2010)
Little-known fact: Did you know Kanye West once went onstage to interrupt Swift's acceptance speech at the VMAs and threw a misogynist tantrum about how she didn't deserve an award? Strange but true! "Innocent" was her song publicly forgiving him – seven freaking years ago – then they both released brilliant albums, and we all moved on with our lives. Dear Lord, if only this story had ended there.
Best line: "It's okay/Life is a tough crowd."
66. "Come Back…Be Here" (2012)
A yearning prayer for a rock & roll boy on tour, weak in the knees as she pleads for him to jet back on any terms he chooses.
Best line: "I guess you're in London today."
65. "Tied Together With a Smile" (2006)
An unsung highlight of the debut – a teen pep talk about self-esteem.
Best line: "Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty/Is the face in the mirror looking back at you."
64. "Last Christmas" (2007)
Tay does the Wham! legacy proud – she should have also covered "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." The ache and quaver of her voice fit the George Michael melancholy; this might be the saddest "Last Christmas" since the original. Plenty of us communed with this version last Christmas, the night we said goodbye to the guy who wrote it. R.I.P., George Michael.
Best line: "A girl on a cover, but you tore her apart."
63. "Tell Me Why" (2008)
From Neil Young to the Beatles, "Tell Me Why" songs are tough to screw up, and even at 19, Tay's too seasoned to let that happen.
Best line: "I need you like a heartbeat/But you know you got a mean streak."
62. "Beautiful Eyes" (2008)
If you're a fan of Swift's Nineties modern-rock radio jones – one of her most fruitful long-running obsessions – check out this shameless tribute to the Cranberries. (But did she have to let it linger? Did she have to? Did she have to?)
Best line: "Baby, make me fly."
61. "Everything Has Changed" (2012)
She and Ed Sheeran wrote this duet together in her backyard while bouncing on a trampoline, because of course they did.
Best line: "All I've seen since 18 hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile."
60. "Love Story" (2008)
Romeo meets Juliet: proof that star-crossed teen romances never go out of style. She's kept going back to the well of Shakespearean tragedy, quoting Julius Caesar in the "Look What You Made Me Do" video. It's never been clear what the line "I was a scarlet letter" is doing in this song, but now it's a hint that Tay was just a few years away from going full Hester Prynne in "New Romantics."
Best line: "Just say yes."
59. "Speak Now" (2010)
In real-life weddings, the preacher hardly ever invites the groom's ex up to interrupt the ceremony. But if you're a fan of Tay in stalker mode, this is priceless – crouching behind the curtains in the back of the church, waiting to pounce. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room" – you don't say.
Best line: "It seems I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be."
58. "Shake It Off" (2014)
A clever transitional single – great verses, grating chorus, pithy lyrics with a shout-out to her obvious inspiration, Robyn's "Dancing on My Own." As a lead single, "Shake It Off" might have seemed meager after 1989 came out – she was holding back "Blank Space" and "Style" and (Lord have mercy) "New Romantics" for this? But "Shake It Off" got the job done, serving as a trailer to announce her daring Eighties synth-pop makeover.
Best line: "It's like I got this music in my head, saying it's gonna be all right."
57. "Better Than Revenge" (2010)
One of the basic rules of stardom is "never punch down" – don't go after somebody one-thousandth as famous as you – but rules were made to be broken, and Taylor is the girl made to break them. Here, she goes Bruce Lee on a sexual rival who may or may not be the actress who had Alyssa Milano as her babysitter in the erotic thriller Poison Ivy 2. But as usual with Swift, her self-owns are the funniest part of the song.
Best line: "She thinks I'm psycho because I like to rhyme her name with things."
56. "Welcome to New York" (2014)
People sure do love to complain about this song – in fact, the most authentically New York thing about it is how it sends people into spasms of mouth-foaming outrage. An explicitly queer-positive disco ode to arrivistes stepping out in the city that invented disco – "You can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls" – that will be bugging the crap out of you in rom-coms for years to come. (It made me throw a napkin at my in-flight screen during How to Be Single, when Dakota Johnson's cab is going the wrong way on the Brooklyn Bridge – and I love this song.) Bumped up a few bonus notches for pissing everyone off, since that's one of this girl's superpowers.
Best line: "Searching for a sound we hadn't heard before/And it said welcome to New York."
55. "Drops of Jupiter" (2010)
I mistakenly thought this Train hit was deep-fried garbage until I heard Swift's version and realized, "Hey, she's right – this is the best soy latte I've ever had!" Props to Tay for bringing out the hidden greatness in this song – the stargazing lyrics and her voice go together like Mozart and tae bo. (The astrophysicist in my life would like me to point out that you can't "make it to the Milky Way" because that's the galaxy we already live in. In fact, you couldn't leave the Milky Way if you tried. Science!)
Best line: "Tell me, did Venus blow your mind?"
54. "Haunted" (2010)
Enchanted to meet you, Goth Taylor. We'll meet again.
Best line: "Something keeps me holding on to nothing."
53. "Today Was a Fairy Tale" (2011)
Don't let the title scare you away – it's a plainspoken and genuinely touching play-by-play recap of a worthwhile date. In fact, "Today Was a Fairy Tale" and "If This Was a Movie" should trade titles, since this one feels realer and would make a better movie. It could rank higher, except she hugely improved it when she rewrote it as "Begin Again." (Docked a couple notches for coming from the soundtrack of Valentine's Day, which is the most dog-vomit flick Jessica Alba has ever made, and I say that as someone who paid money to see The Love Guru.)
Best line: "I wore a dress/You wore a dark gray T-shirt."
52. "All You Had to Do Was Stay" (2014)
A 1989 banger that could have made an excellent single – it sounds a bit like "Out of the Woods," except with a livelier chorus and a stormier range of electro-Tay sound effects.
Best line: "Let me remind you that this was what you wanted."
51. "Eyes Open" (2012)
Finally, her long-overdue metal move, from The Hunger Games: Songs from District 12 and Beyond.
Best line: "Every lesson forms a new scar."
50. "Treacherous" (2012)
"Put your lips next to mine/As long as they don't touch" – now there's an entrance line. Taylor braves the ski slopes of love, with a seething acoustic guitar that finally detonates halfway though.
Best line: "Nothing safe is worth the drive."
49. "You Belong With Me" (2008)
One of her most pop-friendly early hits, singing in the role of a high school geek crushing on her best guy friend. When he comes out in college, they'll have a few laughs about this. (And never let us forget the wisdom of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless: "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."
Best line: "She wears high heels, I wear sneakers/She's cheer captain, and I'm on the bleachers."
48. "I Almost Do" (2012)
A Red slow jam that could have worked even better sped up into a punked-out rocker – though it's plenty affecting as is.
Best line: "Every time I don't, I almost do."
47. "...Ready for It?" (2017)
If by "it" you mean "literally any song that isn't 'Look What You Made Me Do,'" the answer is "extremely ready." A major rebound from her previous release, a week earlier – the chorus of this one actually sounds like a Swift song, with a little air in the mix, giving the room she needs to pull off her intricate breathy effects. Max Martin knows how to shape a production around her voice. A hopeful omen for the rest of Repu TAY shun (hey, I just got that).
Best line: "You can be my jailor/Burton to my Taylor."
46. "Stay Stay Stay" (2012)
"Before you, I only dated self-indulgent takers" – but here she turns into a self-indulgent taker herself and (surprise!) she likes it, a phone-throwing nightmare dressed like a grocery-shopping daydream. She finally meets a guy who can roll with her mood swings – even if she's more in love with the mood swings than with the guy.
Best line: "You came in wearing a football helmet and said, 'Okay, let's talk.'"
45. "Safe and Sound" (2012)
She ventures into rootsy folkie territory on the Hunger Gamessoundtrack, teaming up with the Civil Wars and producer T Bone Burnett, exploring crevices of her voice she hadn't opened up before. Everyone steps out of their comfort zone, and it works. The Swift-Burnett connection raises the question of how long it'll take her to collaborate with Elvis Costello, a songwriter with whom she shares some fascinating affinities. At the very least, Tay should cover "New Lace Sleeves."
Best line: "Don't you dare look out your window, darling/Everything's on fire."
44. "Ronan" (2012)
A little-known charity single for cancer research, unlike anything else in her songbook. She wrote this about Ronan Thompson, a four-year-old Arizona boy who died of neuroblastoma, after she read his mom's blog. She turned the blog entries into a disarmingly eloquent ballad (crediting Maya Thompson as co-writer) and performed "Ronan" at the Stand Up to Cancer benefit. You might expect it to be manipulative and obvious; it isn't.
Best line: "We had our own secret club."
43. "You're Not Sorry" (2008)
A dramatic piano-and-strings ballad from Fearless, showing off how much her voice has deepened between her first two albums.
Best line: "It's taken me this long, baby, but I figured you out."
42. "I Know Places" (2014)
She goes all Kate Bush, pursued across the moors by the hounds of love. This 1989 deep cut is underrated, but count on "I Know Places" to loom large in her canon over the years.
Best line: "My love, they are the hunters, we are the foxes."
41. "Bette Davis Eyes" (2010)
Her kickiest left-field cover, from Speak Now Live. "I'd love to play you some music that I'm a fan of that's come from L.A. – is that OK?" she asks the West Coast crowd, strumming her guitar. "This one came out in 1981 – eight years before I was born!" Virtually nobody seems to recognize it or sing along. Kim Carnes hit Number One with "Bette Davis Eyes," but it was written by the great Jackie DeShannon, the only songwriter to collaborate with both Randy Newman and Jimmy Page. (Page wrote "Tangerine" for DeShannon!) The fact that Swift loves this classic ode to romantic espionage explains a lot.
Best line: "She's pure as New York snow/She's got Bette Davis eyes."
40. "Wonderland" (2014)
Why did it take her five albums to get to Alice in Wonderland? Needless to say, Taylor Alison Swift fits right in on the other side of the looking glass, with white rabbits and Cheshire cats. Feed your head!
Best line: "It's all fun and games till someone loses their mind."
39. "The Lucky One" (2012)
She's so lucky, she's a star. For the record, T.S. did cover "Lucky" live once (and damn well, too), as a Britney tribute in Louisiana back in 2011.
Best line: "It's big black cars and Riviera views/And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you."
38. "Wildest Dreams" (2014)
You rang, Goth Taylor? At first this might have seemed like a minor pleasure on 1989, but it really sounds stronger and stronger over the years, especially when she hiccups the words "my last request ih-ih-is." The video features giraffes and zebras.
Best line: "He's so tall and handsome as hell/He's so bad, but he does it so well."
37. "White Horse" (2008)
Teen Romantic Tay meets Bitter Adult Tay in a superbly disenchanted breakup ballad that gives up on princesses and fairy tales.
Best line: "I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet/Lead up the stairwell."
36. "Starlight" (2012)
"Oh my, what a marvelous tune" seems like a dauntingly quaint chorus, yet she makes it stick, in what sounds like an F. Scott Fitzgerald-themed whirlwind romance. That hook comes straight from the AC/DC playbook (specifically, the opening lines of "You Shook Me All Night Long") – the sign of a truly sick pop scholar.
Best line: "We snuck into a yacht-club party/Pretending to be a duchess and a prince."
35. "Picture to Burn" (2006)
The dawn of Petty AF Tay, as she serves her ex beatdown threats. Every boy who ever complained when Taylor wrote about him – this is where you officially got fair warning.
Best line: "Let me strike a match on all my wasted time."
34. "Forever and Always" (2008)
She added this to Fearless at the last minute – just what the album needed. It's a blast of high-energy JoBro-baiting aggro on her most anomalously shade-free album. "It rains in your bedroom" is a very on-brand Tay predicament.
Best line: "Did I say something too honest? Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?"
33. "Back to December" (2010)
One of the rare ballads where she goes crawling back to an ex she treated like dirt – and she's surprisingly effective in the role. Although breaking into the guy's house is a little extreme. (If she's blocked by the chain on his door, that means she already picked the lock, right?) And sorry, but you're seriously dreaming if you think I'm bothering to Google the name of that Twilight guy, don't @ me.
Best line: "It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you."
32. "The Best Day" (2008)
Her tribute to Mama Swift. A weapons-grade tearjerker and not to be trifled with in a public place. NSFW, unless you are a professional crier.
Best line: "You were on my side/Even when I was wrong."
31. "The Story of Us" (2010)
You could credit this hit with single-handedly driving John Mayer out of the pop heartthrob business and into the Grateful Dead – which is just one of the things to love about it. Along with the Joey Ramone-style way she says, "Next chapter!"
Best line: "See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy."
30. "How You Get the Girl" (2014)
She busts out her trusty acoustic guitar, teardrop stains and all, just to turn it into a beatbox.
Best line: "Stand there like a ghost shaking in the rain/She'll open up the door and say 'Are you insane?'"
29. "Hey Stephen" (2010)
Loaded with classic girl-group flourishes, right from the opening "Be My Baby" drum beat. Plus, it begins and ends with her finest humming solos. If she wanted to hum on every song, she could make that work.
Best line: "All those other girls, well, they're beautiful/But would they write a song for you?"
28. "Should've Said No" (2006)
A pissed-off highlight of the debut, with an Oasis-worthy chorus. Savor the perfect Liam Gallagher way she milks the vowels of "begging for forgiveness at my fee-ee-eet."
Best line: "It was a moment of weakness, and you said yes."
27. "Last Kiss" (2010)
Toward the end of Speak Now, when you're already wrung out from sad songs and begging for mercy, this six-minute quasi-doo-wop ballad creeps up on you to inflict more punishment. One of those flawless Nathan Chapman productions – so sparse, so delicate, flattering every tremor of her voice.
Best line: "I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did."
26. "Teardrops on My Guitar" (2006)
One of her defining early smashes – and the one that marked her crucial crossover to the minivan-mom adult audience, where country stars do most of their business. It also inspired the first anti-Taylor answer song – Joe Jonas sang, "I'm done with superstars/And all the tears on her guitar" in 2009, on the JoBros' instantly forgotten Lines, Vines and Trying Times.
Best line: "Drew walks by me/Can he tell that I can't breathe?"
25. "Sad Beautiful Tragic" (2012)
She must have heard a Mazzy Star song on the radio that morning and thought, "Hey, this sounds like fun." All the details are in place, from her woozy Hope Sandoval mumble to the way Nathan Chapman nails Sandoval's exact tambourine sound. Such an underrated Red gem, one she's almost never done live. Would any other songwriter on Earth have the sheer gall to get away with that title? Let's hope nobody tries.
Best line: "You've got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me."
24. "Mine" (2010)
"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter" is one of those hooks where she seems to cram a whole life story into one line.
Best line: "I was a flight risk with a fear of falling."
23. "This Love" (2014)
A meditative 1989 nocturne – half acoustic introspection, half electro reverie – as she genuflects in the midnight hour.
Best line: "I could go on and on/And I will."
22. "22" (2012)
Approximately 22,000 times more fun than actually being 22. The best song about turning the double deuce since Neil Young's "Powderfinger," if not the Stratford 4's "Telephone," it's also her first shameless disco trip, with that Nile Rodgers-style guitar flash. But the power move is that "uh oh" into the chorus – the oldest trick in the book, except she makes it sound brand new every time.
Best line: "This place is too crowded, too many cool kids."
21. "Mean" (2010)
A banjo-core Tay-visceration of people who are mean, liars, pathetic, and/or alone in life, including the ones who live in big old cities. Always a concert highlight, showcasing her murderers' row of a band, the Agency.
Best line: "Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing."
20. "I Knew You Were Trouble" (2012)
It slams like a lost Blondie hit, from somewhere between Parallel Lines and Eat to the Beat. The way she sings the word "drown-i-i-i-ing" alone makes it.
Best line: "He was long gone when he met me/And I realize the joke is on me."
19. "Tim McGraw" (2006)
We knew she was trouble when she walked in – or at least we should have guessed from her debut single. You couldn't make this up – a nervy high school kid shows up with a country ballad she whipped together after math class one day, about slow dancing in the moonlight to the pickup truck radio: "When you think Tim McGraw/I hope you think of me." Within a couple of years, she's an even bigger star than McGraw is.
Best line: "He said the way my blue eyes shined/Put those Georgia pines to shame that night/I said, 'That's a lie.'"
18. "Style" (2014)
Not always a subtle one, our Tay. This extremely 1986-sounding synth-pop groove is full of hushed-breath melodrama, where even the guy taking off his coat can feel like a plot twist. (Why would he keep his coat on? This is his apartment.) And the long-running songwriting badminton between her and Harry Allegedly is pop call-and-response the way it ought to be – no matter how much misery it might bring into their personal lives, for the rest of us it means one great tune after another. (Yeah, OK, plus the one about the snowmobile.)
Best line: "You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye/And I got that red lip classic thing that you like."
17. "State of Grace" (2012)
She opens Red with one of her grandest love songs in arena-rock drag, and the U2 vibe makes sense since she's also got a red guitar and the truth. If "State of Grace" is her U2 song, what's the U2 song that sounds most like Taylor? Probably "All I Want Is You," though you could make a strong case for "A Sort of Homecoming."
Best line: "Up in your room and our slates are clean/Twin fire signs, four blue eyes."
16. "Sparks Fly" (2010)
"Drop everything now! Meet me in the pouring rain!" Oh, this girl loves her precipitation scenes, but "Sparks Fly" really brings the thunder. It shows off her uncanny power to make a moment sound gauchely private and messily public at the same time. (The new Waxahatchee album has another excellent song called "Sparks Fly" – no relation.)
Best line: "Just keep on keeping your eyes on me."
15. "Fifteen" (2008)
"In your life you'll do bigger things than date the boy on the football team/I didn't know that at 15." Still south of her twenties, she sings her compassionately, sisterly yet hardass advice to her fellow teenage girls. (Spoiler: Boys are always lying about everything.)
Best line: "We both cried."
14. "Ours" (2010)
Like so many of her songs, "Ours" sounds like it could be channeling the 16-blue mojo of the Replacements' punk-rock bard Paul Westerberg. (Melodically, it evokes "When It Began," though it feels more like "I Will Dare.") Especially the best line, which is possibly the best-est "best line" on this list, and which I sing to myself a mere dozen times a day.
Best line: "Don't you worry your pretty little mind/People throw rocks at things that shine."
13. "Begin Again" (2012)
"You said you never met one girl who had as many James Taylor records as you," indeed. Sweet Baby Tay drops a deceptively simple ballad that sneaks up and steamrolls all over you, as an unmelodramatic coffee date leads to an unmelodramatic emotional connection. She's always been outspoken about her mad love for her namesake JT and Carly Simon, but "Begin Again" could be the finest collabo they never wrote.
Best line: "You don't know why I'm coming off a little shy/But I do."
12. "Fearless" (2008)
Oh, Fearless, it's easy to take you for granted sometimes. The first time I heard her sophomore record (the record company literally played it over the phone for me because they were so afraid of it leaking) I thought, "Holy cats, this is a perfect pop album. She'll never top this." Then she topped it three times in a row, to the point where it's one of history's most curiously overlooked perfect pop albums. The title anthem gathers so many of her favorite tropes in one chorus – rain, cars, fancy dresses, boys who stare at her while driving instead of watching the damn road, shy girls posing as brave and faking it till they make it – and builds up to a swoon.
Best line: "You're so cool, run your hands through your hair/Absent-mindedly making me want you."
11. "Enchanted" (2010)
The moment where this bittersweet symphony leaps from a nine to a 10 comes at the 4:25 point, when it feels like the song has reached its logical conclusion, until the Interior Monologue Voice-Over Taylor beams in to whisper: "Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you." In the final seconds, for the coup de grace, she duets with herself.
Best line: "The lingering question kept me up at 2 a.m./Who do you love?"
10. "Our Song" (2006)
The hit that made me a Swift fan, the first moment I heard it in 2007 – it knocked me sideways in the middle of lunch. (The CW played it as interstitial music between afternoon reruns of the Clueless sitcom and What I Like About You.) "Our song is a slamming screen door," what a genius hook. I Googled to see who wrote this; it turned out the songwriter was also the singer and – how strange – she was just starting out. I hoped she might have at least another great tune or two in her. This song and that voice have kept slamming those screen doors ever since.
Best line: "We're on the phone, and you talk reeeeeal slow/'Cause it's late and your mama don't know."
9. "Red" (2012)
The mission statement for Red, this century's most ridiculously masterful megapop manifesto. Eurodisco plus banjos – the glitter-cowgirl totality Shania Twain spent years trying to perfect, with a color-tripping lyric worthy of Prince himself, faster than the wind, passionate as sin. Plus, her all-time gnarliest pileup of Swiftian metaphors. (Nitpick: What kind of crossword puzzle has no right answer? What self-respecting puzzlemaster would sign off on that?)
Best line: "Lovin' him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street."
8. "Clean" (2014)
Love is the drug. "Clean" is the stark synth-folk ballad of an infatuation junkie struggling through some kind of detox, with a big assist from Imogen Heap. An intense finale for the all-killer homestretch of 1989.
Best line: "Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it."
7. "Holy Ground" (2012)
Nobody does zero-to-60 emotional peel outs like our girl, and "Holy Ground" is her equivalent of Evel Knievel jumping the Snake River Canyon. Note the sly brilliance of how she steals that Eighties guitar riff from none other than Billy Idol, making this her "White Wedding" as well as her "Rebel Yell." (Though the lyrics are about dancing with herself.) A highlight on the Red tour, showcasing Tay's drum-solo skills.
Best line: "Hey, you skip the conversation when you already know."
6. "Dear John" (2010)
A slow-burning, methodical, precise, savage dissection of a failed quasi-relationship, with no happy ending, no moral, no solution, not even a lesson learned – just a bad memory filed away. "Dear John" might sound like she's spontaneously pouring her heart out, but it takes one devious operator to make a song this intricate feel that way. ("You're an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry and never impressed by me acing your tests" – she makes all that seem like one gulp of breath.) Every line stings, right down to the end when she switches from "I should have known" to "You should have known."
Best line: "I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town."
5. "We Are Never Getting Back Together" (2012)
Like, ever. Her funniest breakup jam, because it's her most self-mocking. She could have made the guy in this song a shady creep—a cheater, a liar, a scarf-stealer, etc. But, no, he's just a needy little run-of-the-mill basket case, exactly like her, making the same complaints about her to his own bored friends, though his complaints can't be as catchy as this chorus. And the video is a gem, especially when she's wearing the Tay Is Seriously Mad Now glasses. Where is that indie-rock bar that still has a pay phone?
Best line: "I mean, I'm just like, this is exhausting, OK?
4. "Blank Space" (2014)
A double-venti celebration of serial monogamy for Starbucks lovers everywhere, as Tay zooms through the whole cycle – the high, the pain, the players, the game, magic, madness, heaven, sin. Every second of "Blank Space" is perfect, from the pen clicks to the "nasss-taaaay-scarrr" at the end. The high might not be worth the pain, but this song is.
Best line: "Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."
3. "Long Live" (2010)
This is her "Common People," her "Born to Run," her "We Are the Champions." An arena-slaying rock anthem to cap off Speak Now, for an ordinary girl who suddenly gets to feel like she rules the world for a minute or two. "Long Live" could be a gang of friends, a teen couple at the prom, a singer addressing her audience. But like so many songs on Speak Now, her secret prog album, it reaches a point where it feels like it's over and Tay's bringing it in for a landing, except that's when the song gets twice as good. In the final verse, she makes a gigantic mess. (Actual lyric: "Promise me this/That you'll stand by me forever." WTF, girl, you were doing so well there.) Yet that's the moment that puts "Long Live" over the top – a song nobody else could have written, as she rides those power chords home. That's Taylor: always overdoing it, never having one feeling where six would do. Long live.
Best line: "I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you."
2. "New Romantics" (2014)
The way Taylor exhales at the end of the line "I'm about to play my ace-aaah" is perhaps the finest moment in the history of human lungs. "New Romantics" is where she takes the Eighties synth-pop concept of 1989 to the bank, with a mirror-ball epiphany that leaves tears of mascara all over the dance floor. She tips her cap to the arty poseurs of the 1980s New Romantic scene – Duran Duran, Adam Ant, the Human League, etc. – yet sounds exactly like her own preposterously emotional self. (One of my weirdest moments of recent years: explaining this song's existence to the guys in Duran Duran.) "New Romantics" is hardly the first time she's sung about crying in the bathroom, but it's the one that makes crying in the bathroom sound like a bold spiritual quest, which (when she sings about it) it is. The punch line: Having written this work of genius, exceeding even the wildest hopes any fan could have dreamed, she left it off the damn album, a very New Romantic thing to do.
Best line: "We show off our different scarlet letters/Trust me, mine is better."
1. "All Too Well" (2012)
So casually cruel in the name of being awesome. This towering ballad is Swift's zenith, building to peak after peak. For "All Too Well," she teams up with her trustiest collaborators – songwriting sensei Liz Rose, producer Nathan Chapman – to spin a tragic tale of doomed love and scarves and autumn leaves and maple lattes. It's full of killer moments: the way she sings "refrigerator," the way she spits out the consonants of "crumpled-up piece of paper," the way she chews up three "all"s in a row. No other song does such a stellar job of showing off her ability to blow up a trivial little detail into a legendary heartache. (That scarf should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though in a way it already is.) You can schaeden your freude all over the celebrity she reputedly sings about, but on the best day of your life you will never inspire a song as great as "All Too Well." Or write one.
Best line: "Maybe we got lost in translation/Maybe I asked for too much/Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up/Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well."
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english2301 · 6 years ago
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Exercise #3
After reading Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl,”  write a scene that reads like a list of directions for how to do something i.e. fix a bike, make a cake, whatever you like. Notice how Kincaid starts with a verb: “wash,” “eat,” “grow” and more rarely “I” and “you.” Come up with your own take on her style. Add the commentary/questions of the person getting these directions, as she does in italics, so that the scene has two characters.
Some things to consider when writing: how does Kincaid’s list of directions include the characters’ emotional conflict? How does Kincaid work both characters’ feelings into what is otherwise just a set of rules of how to be a “girl”? Try to do this in your own scene.
Another idea: feel free to write your own version of “Girl,” an alternative version called “Boy,” or any take on this theme: “Student,” “Sister,” “Employee” etc.
-----Student Submissions-----
How To Be A Black Man In America
By Tiffany
Don’t hang out with crowds. Crowds mean danger. Better yet, crowds mean you're up to no good. Don’t wear a hoodie even if it’s cold outside because we all know what happens to young black boys who wear hoodies. Don’t associate with those loudmouthed boys from school because they won’t amount to nothing with their obnoxious music and their shameful way of speaking. Don’t look guilty when in front of the police. By guilty, don’t have that fearful look in your eyes. Don’t stay too long in a high-class store, the cashier might think you are up to no good.But I have the money to buy those clothes. Who cares if you have the money or not? They don't. Whenever you encounter a situation, Don’t run. Running means guilt. Don’t come home too late. They might think you are up to no good. Don’t wear jeans and a bandana when you are outside. You know what they will think when they see you. Always look busy when outside. The more occupied you are, the better the chances of survival. Never talk back to the police. You know they are just dying to shoot a young unarmed black man. What if I’m innocent? How many times do I have to tell you? They don’t care if your innocent or not. Mind your business everywhere you go. Most people mind their business and they still get shot at.  They weren’t minding their business hard enough. Stay in school so you can go on to college. Who can say anything to a black man with a college degree? And last but not least, never ever be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If so, you only have two options. Dead or Jail.
Burnout
by Racine
Wake up and get dressed; make sure your shirt is ironed the night before; fiddle with your makeup because it is unruly to leave the house without looking like the rest of society; throw your heavy textbooks in your bag; waddle through the blistering winds to the bus stop; push and shove your way to get the end seat once on the train; scroll your playlist for Nujabes; listen to Nujabes; read the books; fall asleep while reading the books; Wake up and go to work; mentally prepare yourself for the lunch rush of midtown; smile at the ignorance of your customers; this is how you choose your battles wisely; Smile - no, wince at the ignorance of your coworkers; make sure you translate correctly for fear of miscommunication; buy your overpriced lunch; wear your winter jacket; debate whether or not to call the BBB or OSHA; eat your overpriced lunch; you are not done; read the pages of your textbook; run upstairs; deal with the highschool students who just messed up the aisle you just fixed; translate to the many mothers leading their adorable children by their hands; Why are there so many mothers here?; stare at the clock; smile at the cute guy across the counter; buy an overpriced bottle of sugarless tea; drink your sugarless tea; stare at the clock; think of your chapters you could be reading if you were not here; this is how you pass time; think of the albums by Nujabes you could enjoy had you the freedom of not smiling all the friggin time; stare at the clock; take off your uniform; order your favorite Starbucks drink; drink your favorite Starbucks drink; shove your way onto a crowded 4 train; take this train home; arrive home around 11 pm; settle down; find a new clean shirt; this shirt must be ironed; you have a long day ahead of you; find your textbook; read your textbook; smile in your family members face; assure them that you are okay; fall asleep with your book in your hand around 3 AM; wake up to your phone’s alarm by 6 AM; battery half dead; get ready; go to school; endure this long day; keep smiling; You got this; Or do you?   
FRIEND
by Arthur
Wake up in the morning 7:30 Monday to Fridays just so you tell her Good Morning have great day today and on Saturdays and Sundays it's 8; go to school and have a okay day and wait for her to text you; when she asks to call you always say yes because you don't want to make it seem you don't have time for her; wait for her to tell you about her day first before you start talking; never sound any different so she doesn't needlessly worry about you, when she does always have a white lie ready; shouldn't i just tell her the truth? You are but you can’t tell the whole truth because her problems are worse and you can't have her worrying for you; have some joke ready to change the mood when it seems that the conversation is getting dark and gloomy; bring up the good times here and there so that she can reminisce and cheer up; never ask her the question what is she doing and never bring up what work you have to do; if she does ask tell her you will do it another time or you did it already because she will find any way to leave so you can do it; never remind her of the time so that the call will not end; always notice the tiredness in her voice and her sighs so you can remind her when to sleep; but wasn't I not supposed to remind her of the time? Yes but you cannot be the reason she is tired tomorrow and doesn't get up to go to school. Always listen to her dreams and never contain your excitement for them because she does the same for you. Only get angry when she speaks bad about herself or you feel as if she is going down a bad path; never ever judge her because she is a human being and we all make mistakes; get those thoughts about being with her out of your head because it will never happen; don't tell her you have them either, she already knows and she will not share them back; always smile when she remembers things you did together because it makes you happy; always brag when you win a game with her so she gets mad and try her hardest; try not to show you are a sore loser because she is going to gloat in your face; WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T SUCK YOUR TEETH WHEN SHE MENTIONS HIM; why the hell shouldn't I am i not angry?; you are but you getting angry will make her not speak to you about her problems; hold your tongue and listen to her remember everything about him to the tiniest details; listen to her voice change into a sad voice when she mentions their good times; hear her laugh when she mentions their funny times; don't believe her when she snaps out of it and tells you she doesn't love him; why not? Come on we both know she is lying to spare your feelings; last but not least when she tells you she loves you never take it romantically because you will not only hurt you but also her because she isn't looking for a partner from you she is looking for a friend. 
Woman. 
by Kaniz 
Wake up and recognize your first conscious breath as the first blessing of the day. Start your morning off with a stack of warm pancakes and remember to have fresh fruit on the side. Wash off your ideas of failure from the day before and wear renewed determination around your neck. There is a book waiting to be picked up by you, waiting for you to take everything it is able to give. Pick it up and read it. And remember that a well-educated woman is only the most dangerous kind. What if I have my own things to say? Brew a warm cup of tea: add some cardamoms, a bay leaf or two, ginger, and a healthy sprinkle of your favorite tea leaves. Sit by a window with the most sunlight and wait to see what falls from the tips of your fingers. Give yourself to your pen and watch as the pages bleed with your voice. What if they don’t like what I have to say? Say it again, and again, and again, until you realize that your truths are louder than those too scared to accept them. Declare that you are happy in your wholeness, love and be loved in return by your own reflection. What a blessing it is to belong to yourself. How do I stay honest? Allow yourself to break when the time comes. Remember that the cracks in your soul are now new spaces for growth, for life. Smile at every stranger whose soul you seem to recognize, maybe they’ll introduce you to the next part of yourself. How do I change the world? Speak, darling. Your words are bigger than you, bigger than this mold they will try to fit you in. You were born with your mother’s fire, and her mother before her, and her mother before her. Do not feel alone in moments of weakness, but instead remember the stories of the generations before you and find your strength in the blood that flows through your veins. You are here to be a beautiful rebellion. 
Melanin. 
By Niles
Walk in your power, but not too strongly. Make it clear that you will not be underestimated, but peacefully. Raise your arms up high, but slowly, so it doesn’t seem as if you’re reaching for a weapon. Respectfully declare that you are reaching for your drivers license and that being black in America isn’t a crime. Tell the cops that they are part of the problem, and the system won’t change until they do. Wait patiently and graciously as the officers do their part to keep us safe. Drive away with a ticket in hand and thank the officers for their lenience and kindness. Use the cotton of your ancestors to plug the bullet holes in your torso so you don’t bleed out. When you get home, and your children greet you with love and colloquialisms remind them that the corporate job you hold doesn’t allow for “yo”s and “bro”s, and that professionalism and AAE do not intersect as one is broken and the other whole. If they look wounded, do not offer comfort, prepare them for the sting of metal laced hatred piercing skin. Read them “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and make it clear that Uncle Tom is a hero just as much as Batman or Superman because to assimilate is to survive and not thrive. When you tuck them in, check for jewelry, I know they don’t know but the golden chains around their necks and the metal ones around grandpappy’s ankles shake the same, burn the same, and hold them back just the same, they are weighted: we have always paid in blood made heavy with the magic of our slain ancestors.
Teacher
By Danyelle
Walk the line between sarcasm and disappointment. Don’t teeter now. Did you teeter? Are you a child? They are the children, not you. Now, did it work? Does she know that you disapprove, that you want her to stop? No. Well that’s because you teetered. Take command. Make your voice iron. A venom voice does nothing. Be a rock, be a mountain, but never be a volcano. How do I not be a volcano? Don’t let her fan the flames. She’s laughing and looking and now her friends are whispering too. Move on, get them distracted. Teach, do your job. But it will happen again, and the magma is getting hotter. Focus on the others, use them as a balm. Now this one is calling out, and that one is not paying attention. Don’t let them be the priority. Call on another student. Give them the spotlight. Those two are talking, whispering. I thought they didn’t recover from their big falling out? I am now the common enemy? I was too sarcastic; I gave them matches to light. Enough. Breathe. Focus on someone else. Focus on your lesson plan in front of you. That student needs help, help them. Talk to them. Be kind. Be gentle. Tell a joke. Be encouraging. Gain one ally for every enemy. Walk around as they do their silent work. Think of ways to make them excited for next class. Think of the new seating arrangements that you should have planned days ago. 
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culebral · 8 years ago
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CHARACTER CHART.
Character’s full name.  Richard Gecko. Reason or meaning of name.   ‘Ric-’ is associated with old norse, german and english, meaning ruler, leader, king as ‘-hard’ meaning strong and brave tends to be respectively. Squish them together and you got yourself a name fit for a king, or a ’powerful leader’ in this case and…we all damn well know that a ‘Gecko’ is a lizard, lol. Reason for his name, though? Nope. Can’t even begin to imagine a Boozehound like Ray putting any sort of thought into his name and we all know his wife’s on the same train. They were probably watching Murder by Death and Dick Charleston came out like, ‘Jackpot’, half-ass their kid’s name on the spot cause one’s a drunk ass fuck and the other’s got one foot out the door, gettin’ ready to hotfoot it out there, lol. Character’s nickname: Dick, Rich, Richie, Richie Rich, Ricardo, Richardo, Four-eyes, Specs, Glasses, etc. Reason for nickname: Mostly shorthand versions of Richard and/or subtle, little prods at the fact he’s wearing glasses. He also gets a few choice names here and there cause he can be, as the name implies…a fucking ‘prick’. Birth date: 11 | 03 | 1987
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.
Age. 30. How old does he/she appear.  Early to mid thirties. Due to change since he will in fact, age but only inwardly. Meaning he could be in his late fifties, sixties, and even eighties and he will still look early to mid thirties. Weight. 112.4 kg  ||  247 lbs. Height: 193 cm  ||  6′2. Body build. Beetroot. Rounded on top, wide shoulders, large chest, a tad bit of tummy ( just a tad ) with narrow-ish hips and legs. Shape of face. It’s both oblong long and round broad. Think of a square face but softer angles. The cheekbones are the widest part of his face and has a defined jaw. Eye color. Arctic blue that seemingly burn holes into whatever they’re affixed to. Glasses or contacts. Glasses. Skin tone.  Warm beige, leaning towards pale and oily as shit. Distinguishing marks. Little one just above his top lip, on the left. Predominant features. Piercing eyes, scowling 99.9% of the time, skyscraper tall. Hair color. Dark and sable as fuck. Type of hair. Has a lot of volume under the thirty pounds of cisco weighing it down. In short, though. It’s thick, straight, and very prone to get oily as shit quick.   Hairstyle. Frontal crest ( located at the crown part of the head ) is just a tad bit longer than the rest; usually well kept but the fringe gets in his face if not kept tame by pushing back with gel. hairline is narrow as shit. Voice: Low and guttural. Overall attractiveness.  He’s indifferent to it. Being as observant as he is, though…he does notice the way people react to it and can and will use a person’s attraction for his person gain. Unless you wanna be that guy he’ll toss aside like a used napkin once he’s done whipping his runny nose on ya, do try to be careful round this guy Physical disabilities.  Pass. Usual fashion of dress. Black blazer, white collared shirt, black slacks with black metal capped oxfords. Favorite outfit. see above. Jewelry or accessories. Glasses, tie, watch, and a taurus judge ( if it counts ! )
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PERSONALITY
Good personality traits.  Dedicated, intelligent, witty. Bad personality traits.  Reserved, overly ambitious, greedy, smart ass, bored easily, traitorous. Mood character is most often in.  Annoyed. Sense of humor.  Dark, absolutely not for the faint of heart. Character’s greatest joy in life. Improving himself. Character’s greatest fear.  Failure, being second best. Why? It’s peppered all over seasons one and two, I went in depth about this in a different post which I’ll definitely be linking once I find it! What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?  Falling back into the bank robbing ditch and being unable to get out after all the ‘growing up’ he’s done. Character is most at ease when. Being alone, watching movies, driving through the night. Most ill at ease when.  Opening up. Enraged when.  People want to take the reigns or don’t acknowledge him. Depressed or sad when.  The train starts falling off the rails regarding anything he’s put his whole heart and soul into planning/doing. Priorities.  Himself. No one else, lol. Life philosophy. The world is a snake pit: people bite you if you don’t bite first. -s. two, e. nine. If granted one wish, it would be. to be on the top of the world for once. Why? cause he’s tired of his potential being overshadowed by his brother in this case but mostly for himself. May or may not want to show others on the side, especially those who doubted him and/or dubbed him as the dipshit portion of the Gecko sibling pair. Character’s soft spot.  Eating, watching movies, listening to music, driving. And dogs. Is this soft spot obvious to others?  Close others, yes. Greatest strength. Intelligence. Greatest vulnerability or weakness.  Greed, definitely. Biggest regret. Killing the innocent bank teller in s. one, e. three. Legit, I’ve yet to see this hard shell of a man be regretful with anything else but. Minor regret.  Leaving Seth to his /fate/ s. one, e. nine to go with Kisa/Santan after literally everything he’s done. Seth has been nothing more than selfless, trying to get his little brother to El Rey ( fake or not ) to get some peace of mind; jepordizing his ass all across Uncle Sam and he just straight up leaves his ass, lmao. Felt regret for like, six seconds but then figured he was doing all this improvement shit for himself mostly. Biggest accomplishment. S. two, e. eight. Snagging the keys to the mere fraction of an ancient mesoamerican kingdom. Still remember all the hate he got for it both inside and outside the fandom but c’mon. He may not have been in chains but he still always did resort to doing the shit people told him to do, first dad then Seth then San, he is ! !!!! d ONE. Wants to call the shots now. Minor accomplishment. Not being thoughtless, tbh. Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about. Hmmm. Why? I’ll get back to you. Character’s darkest secret.  It’s a secret. Does anyone else know? Who knows.
GOALS.
Drives and motivations. Seeing that cash flow, improving himself. Immediate goals. Not being the man his mother was. Or father wasn’t for that matter. Long term goals. See drives and motivations. How the character plans to accomplish these goals. See immediate goals, lol. How other characters will be affected. Depends on the character in question.
PAST.
Hometown. Kansas City, Kansas. Type of childhood. Lived in a nice house with a not so nice dad. Didn’t get the daylights beat out of his ass as much as Seth had but still had enough bandwidth for a steaming hot cup of emotional and verbal abuse, too. You’d think going to catholic school would be an escape but lol, no. Pets. A dog he, ironically enough…rescued from her captors once. Had her in chains all the time and he wanted to set her free, he was about…ten. Really smart kid. First memory. His brother lying in bed next to him. Most important childhood memory. Seth roughing up the bullies that used to pick on him at school, a headcanon I’ve been meaning to share with @thieved for the longest: hey kids, ever wonder how Seth Gecko became the ace fighter he is today? How despite, being somewhat small in size; he can still rough up guys two to three times his size? He used to fight off Richard’s bullies all the time! Why. Read above. Childhood hero. Definitely Seth. Dream job. An engineer. Education. Finished high school with amazing grades and a high GPA. Dropped out of university just before finishing due to a few things regarding his mental instability. Religion. Grew up Catholic, lost faith eventually. Finances. His dad was a boxman and despite landing pretty good scores every so often, he had a drinking problem and liked to spend his money on shit that’d eventually leave ‘em in below average conditions.
SNAGGED FROM THIS! 
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theartofdreaming1 · 8 years ago
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Past Semester’s Reading List
The past few semesters at university I didn’t get to read as much as I used to, so I decided to do something about that (and what better incentive than to post a reading list on tumblr? This has already worked out regarding my ff-reading habits ;) Here is a list of all the books (and books only - no comic books and no fanfiction included) I have read from October ‘16 until the end of March ‘17:
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For summaries and my thoughts on these books,
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr:
Summary: “Marie-Laure lives with her father in Paris near the Museum of Natural History, where he works as the master of its thousands of locks. When she is six, Marie-Laure goes blind and her father builds a perfect miniature of their neighborhood so she can memorize it by touch and navigate her way home. When she is twelve, the Nazis occupy Paris and father and daughter flee to the walled citadel of Saint-Malo, where Marie-Laure’s reclusive great-uncle lives in a tall house by the sea. With them they carry what might be the museum’s most valuable and dangerous jewel. In a mining town in Germany, the orphan Werner grows up with his younger sister, enchanted by a crude radio they find. Werner becomes an expert at building and fixing these crucial new instruments, a talent that wins him a place at a brutal academy for Hitler Youth, then a special assignment to track the resistance. More and more aware of the human cost of his intelligence, Werner travels through the heart of the war and, finally, into Saint-Malo, where his story and Marie-Laure’s converge.”
Thoughts: There are so many books out there telling stories that take place during World War II. What really made this one stand out and catch my interest was the focus on science and love for science this particular novel has. The two main characters Marie and Werner are positively fascinated by it and Doerr really knows how to portray the beauty of science without becoming cheesy. Reading it gave me a ‘The Book Thief’-kinda feel (not only because of the same time the story is set in but also because of how the story is told). The frequent changes of perspectives and points in time throughout the book were sometimes a little difficult to follow but the story itself and the point when all these narratives finally come together definitely make up for that difficulty.
Animal Farm by George Orwells:
Summary: “'All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others.’ Mr Jones of Manor Farm is so lazy and drunken that one day he forgets to feed his livestock. The ensuing rebellion under the leadership of the pigs Napoleon and Snowball leads to the animals taking over the farm. Vowing to eliminate the terrible inequities of the farmyard, the renamed Animal Farm is organised to benefit all who walk on four legs. But as time passes, the ideals of the rebellion are corrupted, then forgotten. And something new and unexpected emerges... “
Thoughts: It was a very interesting read. And very, very frustrating (reading about the way Animal Farm was run, the use of propaganda, the sprouting of lies, changing rules to accomodate to the leader’s every whim; it made me very angry). Sadly enough, political stories like this seem to be forever relevant to our political scene.
A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams:
Summary: “Seconds before the Earth is demolished for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is saved by Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised Guide. Together they stick out their thumbs to the stars and begin a wild journey through time and space.“
Thoughts: Very funny, bizarre, and entertaining :) I had watched the movie based on the book before, so I kinda knew what to expect, but it was hilarious nevertheless (though I have to admit that I was sometimes a little irritated when the book would go off on a tangent - but this deviations never lasted for too long so it wasn’t so bad ;)
Love Poems by Pablo Neruda:
Summary: what the title suggests ;)
Thoughts: I liked this one a lot. I’m not gonna pretend that I completely ‘got’ the meaning of every single line in every single poem, but the way Neruda uses words would move me every time (you can really feel the power he embeds into his words). I also loved that this book had the Spanish and English version of the poems side by side, so I could practice my Spanish skills a little :)
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut:
Summary: “Prisoner of war, optometrist, time-traveller - these are the life roles of Billy Pilgrim, hero of this miraculously moving, bitter and funny story of innocence faced with apocalypse. Slaughterhouse 5 is one of the world's great anti-war books. Centring on the infamous fire-bombing of Dresden in the Second World War, Billy Pilgrim's odyssey through time reflects the journey of our own fractured lives as we search for meaning in what we fear most.”
Thoughts: The jumping between points of time can be a bit confusing at times and the parts dealing with the aliens from Tralfamaore need some getting used to, but over all I really enjoyed this book. It certainly has its fair share of sad and heartwrenching moments, but Vonnegut always manages to pull you out of these moments with his dry, dark humor, which helped me a lot in stomaching the WWII parts.
Drei Männer im Schnee (’Three men in the snow’) by Erich Kästner:
Summary: “Geheimrat Eduard Tobler, a man who owns factories, banks, warehouses and many millions, wins the second prize in a contest of his own company: a 10-day winter vacation at the Grandhotel Bruckbeuren. To the horror of his family, he decides to go on this trip as a poor man named “Schulze”.” The millionaire’s daughter calls the hotel behind her father’s back, warning the staff about the arrival of the fake poor man. Unfortunately, the Grandhotel’s personnel mistake the poor, currently unemployed, winner of the first prize for the undercover millionaire...
Thoughts: I have been reading this book every year for three years in a row now. It is fantastically funny, the dry wit of the main characters positively shining on every single page. Erich Kästner is a master of comedies of errors (he wrote the book “The Parent Trap” is based on) and this book is not an exception.
The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet by Bernie Su and Kate Rorick:
Summary: “Twenty‑four‑year‑old grad student Lizzie Bennet is saddled with student loan debt and still living at home along with her two sisters—beautiful Jane and reckless Lydia. When she records her reflections on life for her thesis project and posts them on YouTube, she has no idea The Lizzie Bennet Diaries will soon take on a life of their own, turning the Bennet sisters into internet celebrities seemingly overnight. When rich and handsome Bing Lee comes to town, along with his stuck‑up friend William Darcy, things really start to get interesting for the Bennets—and for Lizzie’s viewers. But not everything happens on‑screen. Lucky for us, Lizzie has a secret diary.“
Thoughts: Pride and Prejudice is my favorite Austen book. I loved The Lizzie Bennet Diaries as a modern adaptation of the material. And of course I loved this book. I loved that it gave me an excuse to watch the Lizzie Bennet Diaries again (not that I need an excuse to do that ;) and I loved that this book filled in some gaps the videos could never fully cover. Plus, it was great to be able to catch glimpses of Lizzie’s most intimate and private thoughts again, because even though the videos definitely let you know a lot of Lizzie’s opinions and impressions, it didn’t fully reach the level of insight the original was able to grant you. Different forms of media just come along with different advantages and disadvantages... and books just win when it comes to that :)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling:
Summary: I don’t think Harry Potter needs to be summarized ;)
Thoughts: Well, I think it goes without saying that this book is magical ;) I had never read Harry Potter in English before, so that was a nice change (and I just adore these editions by Scholastic which totally are not the reason why I bought the American version instead of the British one) and despite having read these books sooo very often, it is always nice to return to passages and scenes that have been forgotten (for some insane reason): Neville fighting Crabbe and Goyle (’cause he’s “worth ten Malfoys”), Christmas at Hogwarts with the Weasleys (Fred and George constraining Percy with his own Weasley sweater, like with a straight jacket) and many more, small, but precious moments :)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling:
Thoughts: Of course, the second book is as brilliant as the first.  Also, is there anything better than reading about the most horrible Valentine’s Day ever, courtesy of none other but Gilderoy Lockhart, full with angry-looking dwarfs dressed as cupids and one very embarrassing poem about “eyes as green as fresh pickled toad”? No, didn’t think so ;)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling:
Thoughts: With the third one, more darkness is seeping into the books (not that the first two books, with special appearances by Voldemort, were ever completely free of any kind of darkness). We learn about the horrible dementors and about the Marauders (Map), see Harry spend time with Professor Lupin, wonder if Oliver Wood is trying to drown himself by taking a looong shower due to a lost Quidditch game and, a first, see a Hermione overwhelmed by her tons of school work. The books definitely matured with their characters (and readership) and it is positively awesome!
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling:
Thoughts: The change of atmosphere really hits you in that book. Death Eaters attacking after the Quidditch World Cup, the quite dangerous Triwizard Tournament and the employment of famous Auror ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody makes you aware that the wizarding world by far isn’t as safe as it used to be. Also, we finally meet Bill and Charlie Weasley and learn about other European magic schools! And Hermione gets involved with S.P.E.W. (house elf rights)! Plus, we get fun moments with the Weasleys picking up Harry from the Dursleys and Fred and George working on their Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes^^
Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight by Travis Langley:
Summary: “Batman is one of the most compelling and enduring characters to come from the Golden Age of Comics, and interest in his story has only increased through countless incarnations since his first appearance in 1939′s Detective Comics #27. Why does this superhero without superpowers fascinate us so much? Batman and Psychology examines the compley inner world of Batman and Bruce Wayne and the life and characters of Gotham City. What would Freud, Jung, and other professionals say about how childhood trauma spawned his life’s mission? Is Batman neurotic? Psychotic? Does he have PTSD, ODC, or any other mental illness? Why the mask, the bat, and the underage partner, Robin? What psychopathlogies lurk in the minds of supervillians like the Joker, the Riddler, Two-Face, and Catwoman? Are they really rogues and villians, or simply misunderstood victims of a heartless society? Do Batman and his foes depend on each other?”
Thoughts: The first time I read this book, I was in my last years of high school, trying to figure out what to do afterwards. This book and the psychology course I had been taking definitely factored into my decision to study psychology. It was great rereading it again now while I’m studying the very same subject (for one, because it is very interestingly and funnily written and two, because it was a cool feeling to read about certain psychological concepts and theories and be like “oh yeah, of course, that one” - it’s always nice to have some confirmation that you actually have learned something over the years ;)
Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James:
Summary: “The year is 1803, and Mark Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet have been married for six years. There are now two handsome and healthy sons in the nursery, Elizabeth's beloved sister Jane and her husband Bingley live nearby and the orderly world of Pemberley seems unassailable. But all this is threatened when, on the eve of the annual autumn ball, the guests are preparing to retire for the night when a chaise appears, rocking down the path from Pemberley's wild woodland. As it pulls up, Lydia Wickham - Elizabeth Bennet's younger, unreliable sister - stumbles out screaming that her husband has been murdered.”
Thoughts: And again, a book that is somewhat based on my favorite Austen book ^^ As a murder mystery, this book was quite different from the Pride and Prejudice I know and love (and from the genre I usually read)... But despite that, I thought it was an interesting read. It felt less sparkly and bright, but I liked that the reader gets more of an insight to Darcy’s view on the things happening and it was just fun and interesting to revisit Pemberly under such different circumstances.
The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde:
Summary: “In this classic 19th century comedy of manners, Jack Worthing and Algernon Moncrief masquerade under the name of Earnest in order to win the love of Gwendolyn and Cecily.”
Thoughts: I still haven’t watched the movie (because I didn’t want to spoil myself), so I didn’t know what to expect. I had only read ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ by Wilde before and I was quite glad that ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ was very different from that reading experience (I still think that the plot of that book was very cool and interesting but the seemingly endless description of everything nearly drove me mad). The characters are as wacky and witty as they come and the plot is just hilariously convenient and strange. Very entertaining ^^
Fallout (Lois Lane) by Gwenda Bond:
Summary: “... a contemporary reimagining of teenage Lois Lane. She and her family have lived all over, but now they’re in Metrolpolis for good, and Lois is determined to stay quiet. Fit in. Maybe make a friend. As soon as she walks into her new high school, though, she can see it won’t be easy. A group known as the Warheads is making life miserable for another girl at school. They’re messing with her mind somehow, via the high-tech immersive video game they all play. Not cool. Armed with her wit and her new snazzy job as a reporter, Lois has her sights set on solving the mystery. But even she needs help sometimes. Thank goodness for her maybe-more-than-a-friend, someone she knows only by his screen name, SmallvilleGuy...”
Thoughts: Oh man... I love this book soo much! The first time I got it, I read through it in a day! And now, while I was waiting for the second volume to finally be in stock again on amazon (wanting to read English/American books in Germany can be such a bother sometimes), I read it once more (and I just had bought it in February ^^;) It is so much fun: you get an awesome Lois who won’t let up until she gets her story and, more importantly, does what’s right. It’s also cool to get a glimpse of her family life as well as her chat conversations with SmallvilleGuy ;) Plus, the supporting characters are very interesting, too!
Double Down (Lois Lane) by Gwenda Bond:
Summary: “Lois Lane has settled in to her new school. She has friends, for maybe the first time in her life. She has a job that challenges her. And her realtionship... or whatever it is... is growing with SmallvilleGuy, her online ,aybe-more-than-a-friend. But when her friend Maddy’s twin collapses in a part of town she never should’ve been in, Lois finds herself emboiled in a dangerous mystery that pairs science and greed, politics and revenge, family and enemies...”
Thoughts: So much fun to get to revisit the characters again after a few weeks (in and outside the book)! I really enjoyed how the reader and Lois learn more and more about the members of the Scoop Team and the focus of this book on the sister-relationship between Maddie and Melody and Lois and Lucy. Also, the stakes were even higher in this book (taking on a mob boss? Lois really doesn’t know when to quit which is why we love her), though this time around Lois was much more comfortable and willing to involve her new friends (she is learning how to do the friends thing after all :) I can’t wait for the third book to be published!
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie:
Summary: “Peter Pan and Tinkerbell lead the three Darling children over the rooftops of London and away to Neverland - the island where the lost boys play. Magic and mischief is in the air but if villainous Captain Hook has his way, before long someone will be swimming with the crocodiles...“
Thoughts: It was certainly interesting to finally read this book and learn the ‘real’ story behind Peter Pan (not just the version I had in my head due to the cassette of the Disney movie version I used to listen to as a child). I found it quite trying to read though (maybe because English isn’t my mother tongue) and I couldn’t really connect with any of the characters (maybe because I’m too old ;) I will probably read this book again some day and maybe I will find it easier and more fun to read then - but not in the near future ^^;
If you’d like to know more about these books (and/or my thoughts about them) feel free to message me at any time! :)
The summaries are from the back of the books or amazon pages (I translated the summary of ‘Drei Männer im Schnee’  and added two sentences of my own, so I’m sorry for any mistakes that might’ve crept in).
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